THUNDER, THUNDER, THUNDERCAT HO'S!

Ya know, being the ultra-buff, orange crayon-coifed leader of an elite unit like the Thundercats isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. All that running and fighting is hell on a fella’s knees. Not to mention his Crimson Mars eyeshadow. That’s why I’ve decided to branch out and try my hand at a new enterprise. Just the other day I said, “Hey, Sword of Omens. Give me sight beyond sight.” And you know what that suped-up voodoo-Ginsu knife showed me? An image of yours truly as a big ol pimp! I was amazed to see myself in control of all the hos. Then and there, I knew where my destiny lay. By Jaga, I was to become a mack daddy. What they say is true: “Pimpin’ ain’t easy!” But I’ve learned to make due with the meager resources at hand. Cheetara’s a guaranteed sale with her spotted Ben Wa beads and Africa-shaped birthmark. And there’s always Wilykit. Sure, she may look 12, but Kit’s really as old as the customer wants her to be. Hell, I’ve even got Pumyra working my block. That joke is only for those who have seen the Thundercats episodes that came after the movie. Actually, this whole article is mainly for nostalgia geeks born before 1987. Anyway, call 1-800-HEREKITTY to taste some of Third Earth’s finest fruits. By Thundera, you won’t be disappointed.