BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

ON-SCREEN, HE'S BEEN A "CITIZEN ON PATROL," A RUDE, DRUNK CLOWN AND A '70s COKEHEAD WHO CAN'T FEEL HIS FACE. OFF-SCREEN, HE'S A DIRECTOR, A STAND-UP COMEDIAN AND ONE HELL OF A NICE GUY. TASTES LIKE CHICKEN'S "CITIZEN ON PAYROLL," DARBY O'GILL, HAD AN OPPORTUNITY TO CHAT WITH MR. BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT.
darby: What’s next for Bob Goldthwait?
Bobcat: Possibly a shower. I’m also going to Salt Lake City tomorrow, to rock the Mormons hard.
d: Who’s better: Superman or Batman?
B: I would say Batman, because, you know, Superman is just an alien and Batman is fucked in the head. He has mental problems. He’s like-- who’s the guy that owns all this land?
d: Wexner?
B: Yeah. He reminds me of a Batman villain.
d: A few months ago we interviewed Frank Oz. Which did you like better when you were growing up: The Muppet Show or Sesame Street?
B: Sesame Street was all right, but The Muppet Show really holds up. Did you ever see that film Meet the Feebles?
d: I love that movie! It’s like the Muppets meet Ron Jeremy.
B: Isn’t it?
d: In your professional opinion, do dogs have lips?
B: In my professional opinion? (snickering) Uh, yeah, dogs definitely have lips. My dog, Jimmy Stewart, definitely has lips.
d: Your dog’s name is Jimmy Stewart?
B: Yeah. I used to have a dog named Sid Vicious, but the coyotes killed him.
d: That’s funny. Not that he was killed, but that his name was Sid Vicious. One of my best friends has a cat named Dee Snyder.
B: That’s a good one. I almost named a dog Stephen Baldwin, but I’m glad I didn’t. William Holden is my newest dog’s name. I just have to keep him away from the coffee table when he’s been drinking.
d: Star Wars or Star Trek?
B: Wow, that’s really hard. I would have to,.. man that’s close to a draw. I guess I have to go with, uh, Star Trek, only because of that movie Trekkies.
d: That was a great movie.
B: My lovely fiancé played some kind of alien on one of those Star Trek shows.
d: Some of the people they interviewed for that movie are just out of their minds.
B: I love those people. I like the guy who’s a cross-dresser, and he starts singing that song. He’s my hero. He’s the best. I would like to make a movie about Dukes of Hazzard fans. They have conventions, too.
d: If you had to pick, which TV show would you watch: Knight Rider or A-Team?
B: I’d go with A-Team. I just like the fact that all those guys can live in one van and never be recognized. It also had the crazy Nam veteran element to it.
d: What’s your favorite movie of all time?
B: Dude, Where’s My Car. Hands down. I don’t know, uh, Slappy and the Stinkers. Five kids, one sea lion, no rules. Well, it changes. Like recently there have been a lot of good ones like American Beauty and Boogie Nights. But the one I really like is that documentary, Brother’s Keeper. That is probably one of my favorite movies. There’s also a lot of crap at home, which we just watch over and over again. Like Fade to Black. I have this Rain Man obsession with that one.
d: A few years ago you did a little film called Shakes the Clown, which you wrote, starred in and also directed. Let me just say that film is, without question, one of the best films ever made.
B: Well, thank you. It did pretty well for the kind of film it was.
d: Are there any plans to direct another movie any time soon?
B: I would like to, and I’m always trying to start new scripts, but I never really got one in shape that I thought was going to get made. I know it sounds corny, but the older I get the more I realize that’s what it’s all about. I might also just be afraid to do it again, you know.
d: Was it hard to make Shakes the Clown?
B: No. I’m really happy when I direct. I do some segment directing on The Man Show. I do that show all week long, and then on the weekends I do stand-up. It would be nice to direct movies that make money, so that I can make darker movies that are a little bit more personal to me. I don’t even consider the stuff that interests me as dark, just different. I just don’t think of things in the same way as everyone else, and I like that. For years now I’ve been threatening to make Teen Jesus-- a film about Jesus’ angst-ridden teen years.
d: I just got to see you in the new Ted Demme film, Blow. That looked like a good time.
B: I’m in that movie for all of ten seconds. Very rarely am I ever happy with anything I do, but I was happy being a part of that movie.
d: You also have the best line in the movie.
B: What line is that?
d: When you say you can’t feel your face.
B: That’s something I ad-libbed. It’s nice that Ted Demme kept it in the final cut of the film. We were actually snorting fake blow when we filmed it, like a million times. I almost shat a baby’s arm the next day, cause we were using some sort of laxative. I still don’t know what it was.