1997 – A BETTER VIEW OF THE RISING MOON (Victory Records)

Having a hot girl in your band is always a good idea, and there is some potential here, but this pop rock album is just a little too cutesy for my liking.

RATING:  TWO STARS 

FIRESCAPE – DANCEHALL APOCALYPSE (We The People Records)

I haven’t been reviewing CDs as long as some of the other folks ‘round here, but I think I’ve have developed a certain talent in the last year.  About 75% of the time, I can correctly judge the quality of an album based on the cover alone.  Dancehall Apocalypse is not the exception: lame cover, lame album.  Just about every track here either should be on the soundtrack to some teen drama or prominently featured on Fuse’s “shitty rock hour.”  Even the greatest album cover in the world couldn’t have saved this one.

RATING:  ONE STAR

IN THEORY – THIS IS IT (Shelter From The Storm Records)

Though many bands have done their part to beat the pop-punk genre to a bloody pulp, In Theory manages to walk the line within the genre and not look like total pussies.

RATING:  THREE STARS

MUSTANGS & MADRAS – LA LECHUZA (Latest Flame)

Are you still crying in the corner because your precious Refused and At The Drive-In have called it quits?  Get a fucking life.  Then, have mommy wipe the snot off your face and try filling that empty hole in your heart with Mustangs & Madras, a band that is currently making good music.  They have a lot of what made the previous bands great.  And to top it off, they also have, as Homer Simpson would say, a “Sax-A-Ma-Phone” player.  I honestly get the feeling that this band is only gonna get better as time passes.  This album is on the cusp of a four star review, but since half-stars are a no-no here at Tastes Like Chicken…

RATING:  THREE STARS

OZMA – PASADENA (About A Girl Records)

Here lies a Weezer fan’s wet dream (Even if you’re one of those people who think Weezer hasn’t done anything good since Pinkerton).  Ozma has a knack for finding the kind of catchy hooks that could make Helen Keller bob her head.  Zing!

RATING:  FOUR STARS

SCISSORS FOR LEFTY – UNDERHANDED ROMANCE (Eenie Meenie Records)

I knew I was asking for trouble when I grabbed this album solely because of the band’s name (I happen to be left-handed).  But amazingly, fate actually decided not to kick me in the taint, and I ended up finding a great album.  Some have told me this band sounds like Hot Hot Heat.  I just say it sounds fucking awesome.

RATING:  FOUR STARS   

SEAN NA NA – FAMILY TREES OR: COPE WE MUST (Dim Mak Records)

I’m not going to say this album is bad.  In fact, if Sean Tillman wasn’t involved in this album, I might have thought more favorably of it.  But at the end of the day, I just expected more out of Mr. Har Mar in his guitar pop efforts.

RATING:  TWO STARS

VARIOUS ARTISTS – FIRST BLOOD (Oxblood Records)

I usually don’t like reviewing compilations.  You\'re bound to have different opinions of all the bands included.  Like a dog that shits on your floor and then gets rid of the mess by eating it, compilations are easy to love and hate at the same time.  However, I can safely say that on this collection of tracks from Kansas-area bands, the good easily outweighs the bad.

RATING:  THREE STARS

THE GLAMOROUS LIFE OF SACHIKO HANAI (Palm Pictures)

Wow! Where do I begin?  Alright, somewhere between Skin-A-Max and Vivid Video exists a genre of Japanese cinema known as “pink film.”  Pink film is basically erotic cinema with a plot that tends to be slightly more complex than your typical “let’s fuck the pizza guy” porn.  In this particular film, our title character is mistakenly given a clone of George Bush’s index finger after receiving a non-fatal bullet to the head.  The side effects of this gunshot wound are nothing short of sexy.  Sachiko Hanai soon becomes a nympho genius who climaxes when discussing Noam Chomsky.  In the middle of all this, Hanai soon realizes she is being pursued by North Korean spies intending to use our Commander in Chief’s cloned finger to bring about a nuclear holocaust.  You’d think that being chased by such an intense government would be more than enough for anyone to handle, but not for our heroine.  She does all she can to save the world, and does a lot of fucking in the process!  If you think this sounds ridiculous, let me leave you with this:  Whether something is good or bad, you gotta give people a little credit if they show you something you’ve never seen before, and this film definitely delivers the goods in that aspect.  Whether you love it, hate it, or are just royally mind-fucked by it, I guarantee you will be entertained.

RATING:  FOUR STARS