TAKE THE CANNOLI

Some asshole keyed my car last week. So I spoke to a guy I know who might be able to help. I told him what happened and he said he knew a “friend of ours” who could fix it like new and take care of the little prick who keyed it. I said, “Really?” And he said, “Fugettaboutit,” and took a bite of his cannoli. I knew I had spoken to the right man because, after all, he is Italian, and all Italians are connected to the Mafia. What a bunch of shit! I’m so sick of hearing anti-defamation groups bitch about how their ethnicity is portrayed in the entertainment industry. Shut the fuck up! I watch The Soprano’s every week and not once have I ever assumed that all Italians are bad people somehow connected to the Mafia. Give the viewing public more credit than that. You don’t hear the gay and lesbian community throwing a hissy fit over the flaming ways of Jack from Will & Grace. We all know that not all gay men have fabulous fashion sense and flame up like the Hindenburg. Not all lesbians are scary, big-black-watch-wearing militants. Not all African Americans are on welfare or sell crack while rapping on the street corner, looking to cap whitey. Not all white people are cross-burning, NASCAR-loving rednecks, corporate suits or the quiet neighbor who secretly harbors a basement full of dead bodies. Not all Latin Americans are lazy sex offenders in low riders, who pack a dozen family members into a two room apartment. Not all Asians and Middle Easterners own convenient stores or fuck up the curve in math class. Not all Jews are miserly pawn brokers, neurotic therapy junkies or entertainment moguls. Not all Irish Americans consume their weight in alcohol or blow up cars in the name of religious preference. I’ll even go as far to say that not all French people are snobby, stinky assholes (though I have yet to encounter any that would dispel that stereotype). Those of us who know better don’t buy into a stereotype just because, at some point in our life, we’ve met one person who fit it. Nor do we buy into it because of a TV show. If you believe that a TV show can alter the world’s opinion of your specific ethnic group, you are the moron and don’t deserve the luxury of living on this planet, let alone the luxury of a television. Fuck you for assuming that the public can’t discern reality from fiction, for stereotyping us as narrow-minded idiots and for wasting tax money on your pissy defamation law suit. It is a television show. It is entertainment. So shut the fuck up and fugettaboutit!