LETTERS FROM A PUTZ: THE BEER MACHINE

WHERE OUR MADCAP MAN OF THE HOUR GOES POSTAL AND GETS FRANK WITH KNUCKLEHEADS IN HIGH PLACES.
This month frank wrote to the people at THE BEER MACHINE! Yummy!
Dear Beer Buddies,
I just wanted to shoot y'all a letter and give you my thanks for selling that there beer machine of yours. I've been tryin' fer years to come up with a way to get beer without leavin' my couch. Usually I hafta send my wife up to the store evry day to get me a case of Bud, but sometimes she gits a little uppity on me. Usuelly I give her a good smack just to let her know whos the boss in these here parts, but by that point shes cryin so damn hard that I hafta walk up the street to Mickeys place and buy em anyway. She is one stupid bitch sometimes but I love her anyway as long as she gits me my beer. Ha ha. Anyway here I am runnin' at the mouth when I should be telling y'all about how I found yer beer thingie. My oldest boy Jed is real good with compueters and is real book smart to. I don't unnerstand a damn thing about em myself. Me and him got in a fight about gitting my beer one day and he done locked hiself in the back end of our trailer. I hit the door with a shovel to try an git him out. He come lollygaggin outta the back after a hour and I was about ta belt him one but he says, Daddy come take a look at this. He showed me yur beer machine on his compueter and I swear I thot the lord above musta been smilin on me. I decided not ta hit him becuz he fineally done good by his old man. We bought five of yer beer machines and brew round the clock now. I swear that beer tastes better than Bud and even better than that high falooten Red Dog shit my boss drinks at the parts store. Our hole family has reely come tagether becuz of your beer dowacky. Since Jeds so smart I decided to let him in school but I took his two brothers Joe an Darrel out. I keep those two at home now ta make me my beer since neather of them is good fer much other than blowin up the okasunal frog and stealin me some chips for dinner. When we runs out of ingrediants and haf no money I jus send my wife out to swipe some yeast and rubbin alkohal from the corner store. Its much safer than tryin to swipe a whole case a Bud. She still complains that we should worry bout stupid shit like clothes and food fer the kids but I jist grab my belt and tell her to look at all the love we share when we are making the beer and she shuts up. Well I gess that's all I hafta say. Little Jed showed me enuff about compueters to help me tipe this and even made it inta paragraffs and whatnot for me. He wanted to chec the spellin to but I told him not to bother becuz I aint stupid.
Sinseerly,
frank putzerelli
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM