YOU LOOK GOOD/DEAD IN THOSE GENES, BABY!

CONNECTICUT (AP) - This past December, researchers at the University of Connecticut Health Center discovered a way to mutate the gene of fruit flies. When a single chromosome of the gene is modified, the life span of the fruit flies doubled from 37 days to 70 days. Nicknamed the “I’m Not Dead Yet” gene (after a Monty Python skit), the finding is expected to have a dramatic effect on the lives of humans, as well. The finding may lead to an extended life expectancy for humans, doubling the current life span of 73 years to nearly 150 years.
Since December, the Connecticut-based researchers have been hard at work altering there previous findings to see what other possibilities there are for the gene. Last week it was discovered that when the same chromosome was altered the other way, it cut the life span in half. Nicknamed the “Please Fucking Die Soon” gene, it is expected to change the world even more dramatically than the previous finding.
Plans are already being made to begin testing as soon as this fall. The first batch of guinea pigs will consist of child actors/singers, anyone from the state of Texas, and the entire cast of ABC’s The View.