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22 December 2023
WHERE OUR MADCAP MAN OF THE HOUR GOES POSTAL AND GETS FRANK WITH KNUCKLEHEADS IN HIGH PLACES.
This month frank wrote to the director of REQUIEM FOR A DREAM, DARREN ARONOFSKY!
Mr. Aronofsky,
I just wanted to take this brief opportunity to congratulate you on your current masterpiece, Requiem for a Dream. Not only was it visually stunning, but brutally honest and thought provoking. The pace put me into an absolute frenzy! As I stumbled out of the theater afterwards, I found myself in a state of total, mental disorientation. It was extremely difficult for me to focus for a good 15 minutes, so I just sat in my car for a while as I readjusted to reality. Bravo! More than any of the above praises, I wanted to thank you for the movie’s informative qualities. It was almost like the movie was written just to help me out! You may not believe this, but I have been addicted to diet pills for a while now. I, much like Ellen Burstyn’s character (Sara), had been taking double and triple doses of my meds. I cringed when I saw the scene where she started having crazy hallucinations about her refrigerator trying to attack her. I noticed that right before she went off the deep end, she took two green pills and a single purple one. I almost started doing that myself! Now I just take 7 or 8 blue ones instead. I was a portly 250 pounds just a few short weeks ago, but now I am down to around 135. Thanks to your movie’s wonderful insights, I should hit my target weight of 95 pounds lickety-split! Your movie has also helped me with my heroin addiction. I had been shooting up in the same spot on my arm for the last six months or so. I watched in horror as Jared Leto’s character’s (Harry) arm turned black from doing just what I was doing. Man-oh-man, after I saw his arm get sawed off, I vowed to start rotating my injection points. I now alternate my spikes between my arms and legs during weekdays, and then shoot directly into my ass on weekends. I figure this method should keep me from having any amputations for at least twenty years (hopefully not my ass!). Lastly, your movie taught me the most valuable lesson of all-- how to get chicks to perform ridiculously degrading, kinky sex acts with minimal effort! Damn! If a fat, sweaty chump like Keith David’s character (Big Tim) can get a hot babe like Jennifer Connelly (Marion) to do that kind of stuff with another woman, imagine what a hip guy like me could do! Thanks to the diet pills, I’m already way better looking than him. I’ve already got some “H” set aside. Now all I have to do is find some cheap slut who will do it with a monkey for drugs. Do you know of any such people in the greater Columbus area? Oh well, I’ve got to go for now. Thanks again for all of the help!
Sincerely,
frank putzerelli
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
This month frank wrote to the director of REQUIEM FOR A DREAM, DARREN ARONOFSKY!
Mr. Aronofsky,
I just wanted to take this brief opportunity to congratulate you on your current masterpiece, Requiem for a Dream. Not only was it visually stunning, but brutally honest and thought provoking. The pace put me into an absolute frenzy! As I stumbled out of the theater afterwards, I found myself in a state of total, mental disorientation. It was extremely difficult for me to focus for a good 15 minutes, so I just sat in my car for a while as I readjusted to reality. Bravo! More than any of the above praises, I wanted to thank you for the movie’s informative qualities. It was almost like the movie was written just to help me out! You may not believe this, but I have been addicted to diet pills for a while now. I, much like Ellen Burstyn’s character (Sara), had been taking double and triple doses of my meds. I cringed when I saw the scene where she started having crazy hallucinations about her refrigerator trying to attack her. I noticed that right before she went off the deep end, she took two green pills and a single purple one. I almost started doing that myself! Now I just take 7 or 8 blue ones instead. I was a portly 250 pounds just a few short weeks ago, but now I am down to around 135. Thanks to your movie’s wonderful insights, I should hit my target weight of 95 pounds lickety-split! Your movie has also helped me with my heroin addiction. I had been shooting up in the same spot on my arm for the last six months or so. I watched in horror as Jared Leto’s character’s (Harry) arm turned black from doing just what I was doing. Man-oh-man, after I saw his arm get sawed off, I vowed to start rotating my injection points. I now alternate my spikes between my arms and legs during weekdays, and then shoot directly into my ass on weekends. I figure this method should keep me from having any amputations for at least twenty years (hopefully not my ass!). Lastly, your movie taught me the most valuable lesson of all-- how to get chicks to perform ridiculously degrading, kinky sex acts with minimal effort! Damn! If a fat, sweaty chump like Keith David’s character (Big Tim) can get a hot babe like Jennifer Connelly (Marion) to do that kind of stuff with another woman, imagine what a hip guy like me could do! Thanks to the diet pills, I’m already way better looking than him. I’ve already got some “H” set aside. Now all I have to do is find some cheap slut who will do it with a monkey for drugs. Do you know of any such people in the greater Columbus area? Oh well, I’ve got to go for now. Thanks again for all of the help!
Sincerely,
frank putzerelli
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
artid
354
Old Image
3_7_putz.swf
issue
vol 3 - issue 07 (mar 2001)
section
stories