THE WALKEN HAWKING

Yes, they’ve done it again! First came the mouse that could support an ear on its back. Then came Dolly the sheep and her twin sister Dolly. Scientists are even planning on crossing the DNA of a mountain goat with that of a spider to produce larger amounts of spider silk. But a company named Mutant-Mania Laboratories has already accomplished that and more!
This month marked the first unveiling of the most ingenious creation to ever grace the world of genetic science. MM Labs has successfully crossed the DNA of physicist Stephen Hawking with actor extraordinaire Christopher Walken, producing The Walken Hawking.
The LA Times described him as, “...the smartest dude in a wheelchair who can still make you shit your pants.”
Unable to move his legs but still totally capable of breaking yours, Walken Hawking has plans to revolutionize the world with his mafia ties, and still keep up a steady 8-bit shit-kicker voice. Humanity has finally caught up with technology!
In his first tour of the city, he managed to measure the weight of the sun judged by its reflection in a puddle of blood emanating from the head of some punk whom he said, “...bumped my chayar, you see?”
Clones are planned for release in late 2004. Soon, every family will have their own Walken Hawking taking out the trash, helping the kids with their homework and killing that annoying neighbor across the street when he happens to glance at him with “...that funny face,..again.”
What a wonderful world we live in!