HEY, TINA! WHAT UP, GIRLFRIEND?!?

Oh my GAWD! Don’t look now, but you are soooo lucky. You are sitting right beside the most cutest guy ever-- don’t look! GAWD! I can’t believe you don’t like like him, too! He is beautiful. Oh-- vinnie. His name is beautiful, too. Are you guys touching shoulders? You are touching shoulders! Why are you not dying? I can’t believe you get to sit next to him at this meeting and I’m stuck all the way over here by spacey. He smells like oil or something. Does vinnie smell? What does he smell like? I bet it’s great. Can you smell what he had for lunch? Geez, I wish I were you. Do you think he’d ever want to sit by me, or maybe go to a movie, or have like a million-zillion kids with me? Our firstborn will be named Precious, 'cuz that’s the pet name he’ll give me. He’ll like it so much he’ll want to name our first child it; or our dog. Do you think he’d want a dog? GAWD! I love the way he breathes on his goggles and shines them-- I wish I were his goggles. I wish he’d look at me. I think he kinda is looking at me. I’m not sure. He keeps glancing over here, but maybe he’s looking at the clock above my head. Maybe he’s pretending to look at the clock, but really is finding an excuse to look at me. Last week, when he was editing my article, he told me it didn’t suck as bad as usual. Do you think he really meant that he loves me? Oh my GAWD! If we got married my name would be fphatty baggadonuts! Isn’t that beautiful? You can be my Maid of Honor and help pick out the bridesmaids’ dresses. They are usually so ugly, but these can be teal, since I know how awesome you look in it. My dress’ll be virgin white. Know what I heard? cans said she heard vinnie likes stella. That skank whore! She is so gross. Her hair is all nappy, and she puts hard-boiled eggs in everything she cooks! I also know she puts out, the tramp! What could my angel see in a ho like her? Oh well, vicious rumors don’t matter anyway. What’s important is that we are meant to be together-- even if he doesn’t know it yet. GAWD! I love him! GAWD!
Well, gotta go.
love,
fphatty
PS: Don’t breath a word of this to anyone. I would totally die. Thanks, you are 2 cool 2 B 4-gotten!