TEXAS SECEDES, AMERICA DECLARES WAR!

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP) - Governor Rick Perry (R) of Texas asked the members of Congress last Thursday if his state could secede from the Union.
“The people of Texas are in agreement,” said Governor Perry. “They no longer want to be a part of the United States of America. So I ask Congress once again to please release the suffocating grasp your nation has on our country.”
After Perry’s speech, Congress voted in favor of the secession. Minutes after the vote, they declared war on Texas.
“You know, I never liked that fucking place anyway,” said House Democratic Leader, Congressman Dick Gephardt (D). “I mean, they kill presidents there. Not to mention the fact that I lost a ton of cash in Super Bowl V thanks to the goddamn Cowboys! Fuck ‘em. Let’s fight!”
House Majority Leader, Dick Armey (R), who happens to be from Texas had this to say: “Leave me alone! My name is Dick Armey, for God’s sake!”
When President Bush was notified of the declaration of war, he stated, “If you’re not with us in our war against terrorism, you are against us.”
After it was explained to the President that it had nothing to do with the war on terrorism, and that they would be attacking his home state, Bush exclaimed, “What the darn hell are you talking about? I’m not from China, you commie!”