admin
22 December 2023
WHERE OUR MADCAP MAN OF THE HOUR GOES POSTAL AND GETS FRANK WITH KNUCKLEHEADS IN HIGH PLACES.
This month frank wrote to the "hipsters" at MTV.
Purveyors of Pop Culture,
As a single, white father of two impressionable and precocious teenagers, I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for yet another year of incredible programming. As I'm sure you already know, it is extremely difficult to raise kids in this era of broken homes and questionable morality. However, I have always done my best to ensure that my children will grow into the mindless and morally bankrupt, yet socially acceptable young people I know they are meant to be. Whatever would I do without you, MTV? My oldest child, Jack (14) used to be a straight "A" student with a penchant for classical jazz, reading, and original thought; but all that ever lead to was ceaseless taunting from his fellow classmates. I knew I had to step in and do something! So I forced him to watch hours of your fine Spring Break programming. He resisted at first, but soon began to realize that the only important things in life are cutting-edge designer clothes, listening to only the most interchangeable and unoriginal music, and getting a piece of ass from as many disease-ridden, yet ample breasted, beach whores as possible. Plus, he knows that his old man likes to watch those naughty vixens jiggle while he's doing coke. I'm proud to say that after two days of steady viewing, he brought home his first ever "F", smoked his first "fatty", and changed his name to Biz-Dog. His favorite artists are Puddle of Muddvaine, Silk-Z the Juvenile, and Brittany Keyes to the LO. My daughter, Marie (13) presented more of a problem. "Why can't we be more like a normal family?" she would ask, or "Daddy, I don't want to dress like a dirty slut and have cheap, meaningless sex with multiple male and female partners." I would try to assure her that being sexy and bisexual was just a normal part of being 13, but she just wouldn't buy it. I even pointed out the informative herpes pop-up page on your website. "See honey, MTV wants you to have sex often AND safely." She would still sputter back something inane like, "What about love and respect in a family and in interpersonal relationships?" That's when I showed her The Osbournes. Soon Marie had dyed her hair pink just like Kelly Osbourne, and made it a point to use the word "fuck" in every other sentence. I'm proud to say that not only does she have absolutely no respect for me, but she's also had two abortions since last Tuesday (but no herpes!). Best of all-- she's cool now! Thanks MTV!
With Undying Gratitude,
frank putzerelli
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
This month frank wrote to the "hipsters" at MTV.
Purveyors of Pop Culture,
As a single, white father of two impressionable and precocious teenagers, I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for yet another year of incredible programming. As I'm sure you already know, it is extremely difficult to raise kids in this era of broken homes and questionable morality. However, I have always done my best to ensure that my children will grow into the mindless and morally bankrupt, yet socially acceptable young people I know they are meant to be. Whatever would I do without you, MTV? My oldest child, Jack (14) used to be a straight "A" student with a penchant for classical jazz, reading, and original thought; but all that ever lead to was ceaseless taunting from his fellow classmates. I knew I had to step in and do something! So I forced him to watch hours of your fine Spring Break programming. He resisted at first, but soon began to realize that the only important things in life are cutting-edge designer clothes, listening to only the most interchangeable and unoriginal music, and getting a piece of ass from as many disease-ridden, yet ample breasted, beach whores as possible. Plus, he knows that his old man likes to watch those naughty vixens jiggle while he's doing coke. I'm proud to say that after two days of steady viewing, he brought home his first ever "F", smoked his first "fatty", and changed his name to Biz-Dog. His favorite artists are Puddle of Muddvaine, Silk-Z the Juvenile, and Brittany Keyes to the LO. My daughter, Marie (13) presented more of a problem. "Why can't we be more like a normal family?" she would ask, or "Daddy, I don't want to dress like a dirty slut and have cheap, meaningless sex with multiple male and female partners." I would try to assure her that being sexy and bisexual was just a normal part of being 13, but she just wouldn't buy it. I even pointed out the informative herpes pop-up page on your website. "See honey, MTV wants you to have sex often AND safely." She would still sputter back something inane like, "What about love and respect in a family and in interpersonal relationships?" That's when I showed her The Osbournes. Soon Marie had dyed her hair pink just like Kelly Osbourne, and made it a point to use the word "fuck" in every other sentence. I'm proud to say that not only does she have absolutely no respect for me, but she's also had two abortions since last Tuesday (but no herpes!). Best of all-- she's cool now! Thanks MTV!
With Undying Gratitude,
frank putzerelli
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
artid
636
Old Image
4_8_putz.swf
issue
vol 4 - issue 08 (apr 2002)
section
stories