WHERE BABIES REALLY COME FROM

I have a theory. My theory is about babies and where they really come from. I know what you're thinking: "Everybody knows that babies come from the stork." Well, that's a total lie. When I turned nine, my health teacher told my whole class that babies come from when a man and a woman have too much fun at a bar, then go home and rub each other's backs without any "protection." That's a lot closer to the truth, but it's still a little off. No, my theory is definitely the whole truth. I was sitting in front of the television when it hit me. "I know where babies come from!" I screamed. And now I'm gonna tell all of you. Babies do come from when a man and a woman are together. But it doesn't have anything to do with back rubs or helmets. It's all about spit. If a man sleeps in a bed next to a woman and he drools on her pillow, that means they are going to have a baby. Everybody knows that boys drool like crazy when they sleep, so it makes perfect sense. All the chemicals and stuff you need to make a baby are in boy spit. Man drool has these things in it called "pathogens" and "STD." STD stands for Super-Toddler-Drool, and it's what makes the baby come out healthy and strong. When the woman sees that the man has drooled on her pillow, she's real happy because she knows they're gonna have a baby. The woman also gets real nervous because she has to wait for nine months before the baby comes out, and she doesn't know if it'll be cute or have spider legs or something. She'll eat a lot of food to pass the time until then. That's why women expecting babies get all fat and round and have to wear those tent dresses. But after the baby comes out, they take a big poop and all the fat goes away. The women have to go to the hospital, because they have special toilets for the super-poo. And after they're all done, they come home with a brand new baby. Maybe it's a boy, and maybe it's a girl. It all depends on how many toes it has. And that’s it. That’s where babies come from.
NOTE: Thank you, vinnie baggadonuts, for all your help with my theory. You're a nice man who likes to help kids find out the answers to life's big questions.