admin
22 December 2023
Hello, cool people. My name is Armani Gabana Shemanski, and I'm taking over Hot-Town!!! for my mommy this month. It's a good thing I am, because she's got one of her headaches this afternoon. This happens every Monday. I hope she gets better. Maybe she'll even remember what she did last night. I can't write about any clubs because I’m only seven, but I can tell you all about my day at school.
This morning, Jason Delmontio and his friend Hog were taking turns spitting in each other’s mouth in the coatroom. They are so tough! I think it’s because their dads are both in prison. Everybody knows that’s where they teach you how to be a real man.
Third period was awful. We had a math test and our teacher, Mrs. Mokks, is a real hard grader. I don’t think I did too good on the test, but it’s alright. I told mommy how Mrs. Mokks gives hard tests, and she got real mad. She’s gonna have a meeting with the principal on Wednesday and try to get Mrs. Mokks fired! My mom’s the coolest!
Lunch finally came and boy, was I happy. I sat with Susie Guevara, Josie Kanipple, Jennifer Wilcox and Billie Jean Kowalski. Some of the other boys tried to make fun of me for sitting with a table full of girls. They called me “gaylord” and “sissy-face.” But that’s okay. They don’t know how fun sitting with a bunch of girls can be. You can talk about all kinds of cool stuff with girls, like dresses and ponies and cooking and dollies. Plus, girls have different body parts than boys. It’s crazy! They’ve got two ears!
At recess my daddy snuck onto the school playground so he could see me. This time, he taught me how to put Alka-Seltzer in a girl’s drink when she isn’t looking. It was pretty funny. I did it to Josie from my lunch table, and she started throwing-up all over the place. Daddy said that that’s how him and mommy made me. I don’t know how it works, but I think it has to do with all those “real man lessons” they give you in prison.
We had music class instead of gym today. I was happy about that. The only kind of sport I like is one I can play on my X-Box. Running around in the outdoors is so stupid. Kids used to do that way back in the 1980s or something, but that was just because they didn’t have TV. At the end of music class, my teacher, Ms. Janelle, told us we could each have a piece of chocolate. Ms. Janelle is awesome. She always gives us treats if we’re quiet and pay attention. Even cooler, she’ll take me into the backroom and ask me if I want to go home with her since she “can’t have any children of her own.” She says she’ll treat me way better than my real mommy. One time, she took me away from the school for the whole day and we went to the zoo. It was amazing! I didn’t have to get a permission slip signed or nothin’!
Oh well, that was my day at school. I hope you liked it. Oh, and I almost forgot to say this: cool people are better than uncool people. And dress nice so your friends will love you. Bye-bye.
This morning, Jason Delmontio and his friend Hog were taking turns spitting in each other’s mouth in the coatroom. They are so tough! I think it’s because their dads are both in prison. Everybody knows that’s where they teach you how to be a real man.
Third period was awful. We had a math test and our teacher, Mrs. Mokks, is a real hard grader. I don’t think I did too good on the test, but it’s alright. I told mommy how Mrs. Mokks gives hard tests, and she got real mad. She’s gonna have a meeting with the principal on Wednesday and try to get Mrs. Mokks fired! My mom’s the coolest!
Lunch finally came and boy, was I happy. I sat with Susie Guevara, Josie Kanipple, Jennifer Wilcox and Billie Jean Kowalski. Some of the other boys tried to make fun of me for sitting with a table full of girls. They called me “gaylord” and “sissy-face.” But that’s okay. They don’t know how fun sitting with a bunch of girls can be. You can talk about all kinds of cool stuff with girls, like dresses and ponies and cooking and dollies. Plus, girls have different body parts than boys. It’s crazy! They’ve got two ears!
At recess my daddy snuck onto the school playground so he could see me. This time, he taught me how to put Alka-Seltzer in a girl’s drink when she isn’t looking. It was pretty funny. I did it to Josie from my lunch table, and she started throwing-up all over the place. Daddy said that that’s how him and mommy made me. I don’t know how it works, but I think it has to do with all those “real man lessons” they give you in prison.
We had music class instead of gym today. I was happy about that. The only kind of sport I like is one I can play on my X-Box. Running around in the outdoors is so stupid. Kids used to do that way back in the 1980s or something, but that was just because they didn’t have TV. At the end of music class, my teacher, Ms. Janelle, told us we could each have a piece of chocolate. Ms. Janelle is awesome. She always gives us treats if we’re quiet and pay attention. Even cooler, she’ll take me into the backroom and ask me if I want to go home with her since she “can’t have any children of her own.” She says she’ll treat me way better than my real mommy. One time, she took me away from the school for the whole day and we went to the zoo. It was amazing! I didn’t have to get a permission slip signed or nothin’!
Oh well, that was my day at school. I hope you liked it. Oh, and I almost forgot to say this: cool people are better than uncool people. And dress nice so your friends will love you. Bye-bye.
artid
694
Old Image
4_9_hottown.swf
issue
vol 4 - issue 09 (may 2002)
section
stories