GET A LOAD OF THIS!

So there are these boys in my class at school who pick on everybody and the other day the biggest of them took my milk from me and wouldn't give it back until the teacher made him go stand in the corner. Then all the kids laughed at him, but he stood there looking at me all angry and I knew that during recess he'd try to beat me up. So I told the teacher that I was sick and didn't want to go outside. So she let me go to the library and read. Mean kids always pick on me because I'm smarter than them and I heard that the bully kid isn't even supposed to be in our grade. But, because his mommy and daddy have lots of money, they won’t let him fail. The bully kids all call me “bookworm” and “geek boy” and they say dirty words and brag all the time that they read tastes like chicken, even though their parents say they shouldn't. This one time I told them that my dad works for the paper because I thought they'd think I was cool then, but they just called me a “fibbing bookworm” and beat me up. But you know what? I'm not a geek like they say I am. I'm just smart and they are the real geeks because they all think the Star Wars movies are the coolest thing, and they think that Jedis are real, and they pretend they're Jedi Knights and stuff. But they would be bad Jedis if Jedis were real, because they are mean. So when I knew that they read this paper and when I knew my daddy was going to ask me to do his job for a month, I knew how I would get back at those dumb, bully fanboy kids. I read the book for the new movie, but the movie isn't out yet and now I'm going to ruin the end by writing what happens in the movie. Here it goes: Anakin, who grows up to be Darth Vader, has to protect Queen Amidala because Jango Fett is trying to kill her because the Trade Federation wants him to. So Anakin goes to her planet with her. Back on Anakin's home planet, his mom gets kidnapped by the Sand People and Anakin can tell that, so he and Amidala go back to Tatooine. When Anakin finds out that the Sand People have his mom, he jumps on a flying bike and goes after them. He finds their camp and sneaks into where they're keeping his mom but she's real beat up and, after a minute, she dies in his arms. He gets mad and turns to the Dark Side of the Force and kills all the Sand People in the camp. But then he flies back to where he left Amidala and he feels bad about what he did, so he calms down a little bit. All this time, Obi-Wan is out looking for who is trying to kill Amidala and he finds this water planet where these aliens are making clones of Jango Fett, and they give Jango Fett a little clone boy who he calls Boba. Then Obi-Wan finds out and fights Jango Fett, but Jango Fett gets away. Obi-Wan follows him to this planet called Geonosis where the Trade Federation and this guy named Count Dooku are making an army of droids to attack the Republic. So Obi-Wan sends out a distress call and then he gets captured, but Anakin gets the call and tells the other Jedi. Then, Jar Jar Binks, who I hate and who is a Senator now, asks the Republic to give Palpatine, who is really a bad guy, "Emergency Power" to completely control the Republic and make an army to fight the droids with. So then Yoda goes to the planet where the clones are because he has to find an army for the Republic. And then all the Jedi guys go to the planet Geonosis to rescue Obi-Wan. Anakin and Amidala already went there but they got captured and are in this arena place and are about to get eaten by monsters. All the Jedi show up to stop it, but Count Dooku brings out the droids and this big fights happens. Next, Mace Windu is fighting with Jango Fett and then Mace Windu chops off the bounty hunter guy's head. But the Jedis are still outnumbered until Yoda shows up with all the clones and they all fight some more. That Count Dooku guy gets away, and then Obi-Wan and Anakin go after him and catch him in this one place. They have this big lightsaber fight but Count Dooku is real strong and he hurts Obi-Wan real bad, but he's not dead. Then Count Dooku and Anakin are fighting and Anakin has two lightsabers because Obi-Wan gave him his. But he's still no match for Count Dooku who throws the magic electric stuff and then chops off Anakin's arm. And then, right as Count Dooku is about to kill them both, Yoda shows up. He has a lightsaber, too, and he fights the Count Dooku guy. Then the Count Dooku guy gets away and flies back to the Capital and meets up with Palpatine. Palpatine is in his bad guy outfit so now we know that Palpatine planned the whole thing out. Then at the end of the movie, Anakin (with his robot arm) runs off to Naboo with Amidala to get married. Right at the end of the movie they kiss! So there! You dumb, big bullies, I ruined the whole movie for you and if you come to class and you don't say anything, then I'll know that you don't really read tastes like chicken. Then I'll be the one making fun of you.