''REVITALIZE DOWNTOWN'' THIS JUNE 17TH

COLUMBUS, OH - In an effort to bring more citizens downtown, Mayor Coleman has decided to close all exits and streets out of downtown on June 17th at 4:00PM. He will reopen streets on June 18th at 4:00PM.
"This is a fantastic city, and I'm sure that if for one day people were forced to stay downtown, everyone else would agree as well," said Coleman. "We got the idea after we closed all freeway exits last year. We noticed that by having certain exits closed, many local businesses were suffering, while businesses near open exits were thriving. Then recently, a few business owners downtown were complaining to me about poor attendance after rush hour. So I thought, if the good Lord gives you lemons, you can sit around with puckered lips, or you can make lemonade. This summer we are making lemonade."
"At first, I was a bit confused by the Mayor's idea, because at the time we were already drinking lemonade. But then I realized what he was talking about. I think it is a great idea," said downtown restaurant owner Denny Slith.
When asked to comment on the event, many hotel representatives and panhandlers could only laugh maniacally.