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22 December 2023
LACKAWANNA, NY - Members of the Tenchi Muyo Rocks! Fan Club were mortified when they learned that their longtime president, Howie Lasner, had recently engaged in the act of sexual intercourse with a willing, human female. Lasner, 32, came forward with the truth at one of the TMRFC's meetings in the backroom of Starzone Comics on Wednesday, and was met with a less-than-friendly response from his former-fellow virgins.
He told friends and reporters, “The guys all seemed pretty pissed that I had gotten laid. I think they would've tried to kick my ass, too,.. if they weren't all a bunch of pussies.”
In the melee following Lasner's announcement, a rare pack of Dragonball Z trading cards was thrown to the floor, and someone spilled a Diet Pepsi on an open issue of Digimon: Tachikawa's Revenge. The police were called in to restore order, although damages are estimated to be well below $6.00.
In his defense, Howie stated, "I couldn't help getting sexually involved with an actual, real woman. I mean, watching episodes of Sailor Moon (not the new ones where her voice is different) can only get you through so many years. In all honesty, this Japanimation shit is for kids. Not pimply, middle-aged men in sweatpants."
In the meantime, Lasner has been sighted at The Blazing Trader, turning in copies of Akira and other anime staples for real films such as The Usual Suspects and Rear Window. Likewise, he was seen at Muzak Shak, trading his vast collection of anime and sci-fi film soundtracks in for “real music.” Betrayed TMRFC members picketed in front of Howie's southside home for an hour, but dispersed soon after the free soda and pizza ran out. Before leaving, though, they informed the attending media that they are expecting to receive Lasner's forced resignation before the end of the week.
He told friends and reporters, “The guys all seemed pretty pissed that I had gotten laid. I think they would've tried to kick my ass, too,.. if they weren't all a bunch of pussies.”
In the melee following Lasner's announcement, a rare pack of Dragonball Z trading cards was thrown to the floor, and someone spilled a Diet Pepsi on an open issue of Digimon: Tachikawa's Revenge. The police were called in to restore order, although damages are estimated to be well below $6.00.
In his defense, Howie stated, "I couldn't help getting sexually involved with an actual, real woman. I mean, watching episodes of Sailor Moon (not the new ones where her voice is different) can only get you through so many years. In all honesty, this Japanimation shit is for kids. Not pimply, middle-aged men in sweatpants."
In the meantime, Lasner has been sighted at The Blazing Trader, turning in copies of Akira and other anime staples for real films such as The Usual Suspects and Rear Window. Likewise, he was seen at Muzak Shak, trading his vast collection of anime and sci-fi film soundtracks in for “real music.” Betrayed TMRFC members picketed in front of Howie's southside home for an hour, but dispersed soon after the free soda and pizza ran out. Before leaving, though, they informed the attending media that they are expecting to receive Lasner's forced resignation before the end of the week.
artid
778
Old Image
4_11_anime.swf
issue
vol 4 - issue 11 (aug 2002)
section
cover story