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22 December 2023
WHERE OUR MADCAP MAN OF THE HOUR GOES POSTAL AND GETS FRANK WITH KNUCKLEHEADS IN HIGH PLACES.
This month Frank wrote to the people that live on SESAME STREET.
Dear Sesame Streeters,
I wanted to comment on your forthcoming addition of an HIV positive Muppet to your South African counterpart, Takalani Sesame. Frankly, I couldn't quite figure out why you would introduce this controversial new character. Is it because five-million people in the area, or one out of every eight, have the disease? Or because 40% of the childbearing adult females are infected? How about that 40% of the adult deaths in the region are attributed to AIDS? None of those make sense. No, I see that the real reason for your bold move is to prevent all of these sheltered, prissy South African children from growing up too soft and easy.
What they need is a healthy dose of debilitating and dream-smothering reality before they are old enough to use the toilet with confidence. Better to beat them down now under the misleading, benevolent sponsorship of the letter "Q" than to worry about it later. Continuing with this idea of pre-literate social reform, perhaps the next step is to create other topically relevant Muppets to further "educate" the three to seven-year-olds of South Africa. Here are some others you may wish to try:
ROCCO THE SLUM OVERLORD: South Africa has the highest crime rate per capita in the entire world, so it only makes sense to have a "psychotically violent" street thug character. Rocco could tenderly explain to little kindergartners why he had to cut their daddy's thumbs off while singing a song explaining what hands do.
BOSCAR THE GROUCH: You already have an Elmo-style character, so why not export an Oscar clone and use him to demonstrate the 50% unemployment rate? Of course, Boscar wouldn't have a can to live in because he would be so devastatingly poor that he couldn’t pay Rocco the rent for it.
DOUGIE THE DRUGGIE: With a permanent syringe in his arm and a deviated septum, Dougie could illustrate the region's world-topping concentration of drug trafficking and abuse. He would be great at teaching colors, which drip from the walls whenever he opens his eye. I say “eye” because Rocco stabbed the other one from his plush head while singing a song about on time payments for the letter "H".
Sincerely,
Frank Putzerelli
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
This month Frank wrote to the people that live on SESAME STREET.
Dear Sesame Streeters,
I wanted to comment on your forthcoming addition of an HIV positive Muppet to your South African counterpart, Takalani Sesame. Frankly, I couldn't quite figure out why you would introduce this controversial new character. Is it because five-million people in the area, or one out of every eight, have the disease? Or because 40% of the childbearing adult females are infected? How about that 40% of the adult deaths in the region are attributed to AIDS? None of those make sense. No, I see that the real reason for your bold move is to prevent all of these sheltered, prissy South African children from growing up too soft and easy.
What they need is a healthy dose of debilitating and dream-smothering reality before they are old enough to use the toilet with confidence. Better to beat them down now under the misleading, benevolent sponsorship of the letter "Q" than to worry about it later. Continuing with this idea of pre-literate social reform, perhaps the next step is to create other topically relevant Muppets to further "educate" the three to seven-year-olds of South Africa. Here are some others you may wish to try:
ROCCO THE SLUM OVERLORD: South Africa has the highest crime rate per capita in the entire world, so it only makes sense to have a "psychotically violent" street thug character. Rocco could tenderly explain to little kindergartners why he had to cut their daddy's thumbs off while singing a song explaining what hands do.
BOSCAR THE GROUCH: You already have an Elmo-style character, so why not export an Oscar clone and use him to demonstrate the 50% unemployment rate? Of course, Boscar wouldn't have a can to live in because he would be so devastatingly poor that he couldn’t pay Rocco the rent for it.
DOUGIE THE DRUGGIE: With a permanent syringe in his arm and a deviated septum, Dougie could illustrate the region's world-topping concentration of drug trafficking and abuse. He would be great at teaching colors, which drip from the walls whenever he opens his eye. I say “eye” because Rocco stabbed the other one from his plush head while singing a song about on time payments for the letter "H".
Sincerely,
Frank Putzerelli
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
artid
828
Old Image
5_1_putz.swf
issue
vol 5 - issue 01 (sep 2002)
section
stories