TRL HERE WE COME!

Holy shit! I mean daaannnggg! Me and three of my bestest friends have started the hottest fucking boy band y'all ever seen! Sure, the boy band trend's been waning a little, what with the Backstreet Boys selling less than eight gazillion copies of their last album and one of their own having been in rehab. But that means there's an opening. Now is the time to strike. And me an' mah boyz are gonna do just that with our new band: 2 CUTE 4 U.
See, we've changed the usual formula around. Instead of the cute one (*NSYNC's Justin), the older bro' (Backstreet's Kevin), the generic one (*NSYNC's Lance,.. or Joey,.. or whatever), and the rebel (Backstreet's drunken A.J.), we have the mysterious moody one with the dead eyes (my pal Natey B.), the red-headed one who can actually sing (jaunty Dustin G. Money), the spinach-chinned mofo who can kick your ass (two-handed Taddly B.), and the tall, self-loathing one (me, Dee to the Jay). And we all fake like we're from the streets instead of comfy suburban 'hoods!
We believe that ours will become the new foundation combination for all the future boy bands to come. That's right. We're that innovative.
Take my showcase song: "I'm Not a Dawg (I'm a Wolf)" inspired, at least in part, by the Walt Disney classic The Journey of Natty Gann. It's got it all: a funky beat, singing, and a rap number in the middle for Taddly B. Damn.
I also gotsta give mad props to my boyeee Natey B. for his fly song called "I'm Not a Fox (I'm a Hounddawg)" inspired by Disney's animated feature The Fox and The Hound. Natey B.'s deep, frightening, soul-less lead vocals are complimented by Dustin G. Money's bad boy operatic solo.
We're not content with just breaking new grounds in music. Nuh-uh. The fashion industry's already feelin' our vibe. Why, Taddly B.'s adult diaper over the cargo pants look has already become a big hit in Japan and England (always light years ahead of us feeble Americans when it comes to fashion). So be on the lookout for our world tour: 2 CUTE 4 U, THE WORLD TOUR! We'll be stopping at strip malls and Wal-Marts across America-- which, you know, is pretty much the whole world when you think about it.
We'll also be on TRL with that lame-ass tool Carson Daly. Taddly B.'s already promised to take that black finger nail polish-wearin' average guy down a notch by challenging him to a dance contest. Who's gonna win? That's right. Ain't no one got moves more fly than my man Taddly B.
Respect.
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