SELL YOUR SOUL TO THE DEVIL FROM HOME!

That’s right! You can now damn your soul for all eternity from the comfort of your recliner! Just print out the form below, fill it out, and mail it to the address below! It is that simple!*
Doubt our damning expertise? Get a load of these testimonials:
“I loved it. It was so fast and easy, even I could read the agreement. I can’t wait to burn in hell forever.”
- GEORGE W. BUSH, PRESIDENT
“Ouch! Fuck! It burns! It burns so badly! Help!”
- TIMOTHY MCVEIGH, MASS MURDERER


NAME: __________________________________
SERVICE REQUESTED FOR SOUL TRADE: _________________
SIGNATURE IN BLOOD: _______________________________
Please mail all forms to:
The Seventh Ring of Hell, Attn. Satan / Detroit, MI / 48219
We look forward to seeing you soon!
*Please note: This is a binding contract. Once signed, contract cannot be backed out of. Upon your death, your soul will be absorbed by the evil forces of Hell. There, you will endure an enternity of pain and horror including, but not exclusive to: hot pokers in your anus and genitals, evil red-eyed rodents gnawing your flesh off of your bones, Muzak, repeated spontaneous combustion, giving birth to snakes, and/or being skinned alive.