NELL CARTER ANNOUNCES NEW DIET PLAN
reporting by rutherford g. van delay
illustration by j-mil

HOLLYWOOD, CA - Nell Carter, star of Gimme a Break and not much else, wooed fans and naysayers alike last month, when she announced her new guaranteed weight loss program, "Death".

In the first week alone, Carter lost a whopping 137 pounds, and does not plan on stopping anytime soon.

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