THE TUXEDO

I was at a theater the other day to see Jackie Chan's new flick The Tuxedo. There was this really cool game there. It had a ramp shaped like a mountain, and, using a big handle, you had to roll a ball up ten individual little slopes without falling off the mountain. If you made it to the top, a lavish prize with a monetary value of about a buck awaited you. Best of all, even if you lose, you still get a rubber bouncing ball. Ten bucks and twenty balls later, I beat the shit out of that machine until my hands bled like that of a stigmata victim. Luckily, right next to it was a gun game that actually registered my body movement and incorporated it into the game. I actually had to dash left and right, and hunker down to avoid getting hit by digital bullets. Damn, that was a riot. In only about five minutes of play, my terribly out-of-shape body was incredibly fatigued. My legs hurt so bad. I seriously had an arduous time hauling my wide load up the stairs to my seat. Even after I got to sit down my legs continued to sting, like a hundred small parasites were burrowing into my skin and laying their demon spawn deep in my muscles. Isn't it wonderful to be alive? Obviously, I won't be performing any high kicks for the Rockettes any time soon. Speaking of kicks, there sure were a lot in The Tuxedo. It was a relatively dull movie, but at least I had a hand full of balls to give me comfort.