admin
22 December 2023
A REVIEW OF THE DOG WE HAD FOR 12 HOURS.
Last weekend, Wayne and I went pet crazy. I bought a washing machine. He bought a puppy. Sadly, however, my washing machine (which I've named "Benji") couldn't hold a domestic companion candle to Wayne's beautiful black Labrador retriever. Yes, folks, our mutt of an Asian editor bought a purebred. It was the most lovable thing to ever crawl on all fours through this house. (Sorry, Debbie.)
Even though it was Wayne's dog, I decided it would be best if I named her. My first choice was “Naima,” after that John Coltrane song. But after careful deliberation, I felt the best name for this bitch would be “Fphatty,” because like fellow staffer Fphatty Lamar, all this dog did was lay around and eat. I liked to call that her “trick.”
The next day, I returned home only to find our dog had been returned to the kind ma'am and sir who sold it to us. Turns out our landlord is a huge dick. He doesn't like dogs. Actually, he doesn't like animals. On the phone, he mentioned something about “seven to ten, no parole, oh, Pixel, you and those panties.” He noticed ol' Fphatty 2 when he came over to make some repair he should have made when we moved in three-and-a-half years ago. Well, he noticed the cute little piles of puppy poo on the linoleum floor, first. Then he saw lil' Fphatty. He must have gotten an inappropriate boner or something, because he bolted like Frankenstein's neck. So, rather than face an eviction from this golden shanty, we sold the dog. But don't worry. We sold it back to the original owners, though I'm sure we could've earned a prettier penny selling it to the Chinese Restaurant at the strip mall down the street.
Last weekend, Wayne and I went pet crazy. I bought a washing machine. He bought a puppy. Sadly, however, my washing machine (which I've named "Benji") couldn't hold a domestic companion candle to Wayne's beautiful black Labrador retriever. Yes, folks, our mutt of an Asian editor bought a purebred. It was the most lovable thing to ever crawl on all fours through this house. (Sorry, Debbie.)
Even though it was Wayne's dog, I decided it would be best if I named her. My first choice was “Naima,” after that John Coltrane song. But after careful deliberation, I felt the best name for this bitch would be “Fphatty,” because like fellow staffer Fphatty Lamar, all this dog did was lay around and eat. I liked to call that her “trick.”
The next day, I returned home only to find our dog had been returned to the kind ma'am and sir who sold it to us. Turns out our landlord is a huge dick. He doesn't like dogs. Actually, he doesn't like animals. On the phone, he mentioned something about “seven to ten, no parole, oh, Pixel, you and those panties.” He noticed ol' Fphatty 2 when he came over to make some repair he should have made when we moved in three-and-a-half years ago. Well, he noticed the cute little piles of puppy poo on the linoleum floor, first. Then he saw lil' Fphatty. He must have gotten an inappropriate boner or something, because he bolted like Frankenstein's neck. So, rather than face an eviction from this golden shanty, we sold the dog. But don't worry. We sold it back to the original owners, though I'm sure we could've earned a prettier penny selling it to the Chinese Restaurant at the strip mall down the street.
artid
967
Old Image
5_3_doggie.swf
issue
vol 5 - issue 03 (nov 2002)
section
entertainmental