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22 December 2023
SPOKANE, WA - Military leaders are meeting with a local native in Spokane to talk about military applications for his invention, an attack-proof suit. The suit has been field-tested in a number of hostile situations, and the results have been \"impressive\", say one top military advisor.
\"We have seen this suit run over by a tank, pelted with hundreds of walnuts, and dropped from a ten story building without a single scratch on the wearer whatsoever.\"
For many, this was the opportunity to hear firsthand the terrifying account of what caused the development of the suit.
Washington native Ted E. Ursus told the tale of what happened to him that frightful day in the nearby forest where he had grown up.
\"This woman came up running up to me, screaming. She had large fish in her hands and was waving them around. There was honey all over her, and she said, I’ll never forget this, she screamed, ‘Bear! Eat me!\' It was terrifying. At first I just tried to crawl away. I figured maybe she’d get the hint. But she just kept following after me, screaming, ‘Eat me! Eat me!’ If I stopped for any amount of time, she’d try to stuff herself in my mouth. It was annoying. After a few hours she must have gotten tired of trying to pull open my snout, because she just left. So I thought to myself, \'I don’t want to have to deal with that ever again.\' About a week after that, I designed my first woman-proof suit.\"
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld stated that, \"...the suits may be put into military action as soon as next year.\"
\"We have seen this suit run over by a tank, pelted with hundreds of walnuts, and dropped from a ten story building without a single scratch on the wearer whatsoever.\"
For many, this was the opportunity to hear firsthand the terrifying account of what caused the development of the suit.
Washington native Ted E. Ursus told the tale of what happened to him that frightful day in the nearby forest where he had grown up.
\"This woman came up running up to me, screaming. She had large fish in her hands and was waving them around. There was honey all over her, and she said, I’ll never forget this, she screamed, ‘Bear! Eat me!\' It was terrifying. At first I just tried to crawl away. I figured maybe she’d get the hint. But she just kept following after me, screaming, ‘Eat me! Eat me!’ If I stopped for any amount of time, she’d try to stuff herself in my mouth. It was annoying. After a few hours she must have gotten tired of trying to pull open my snout, because she just left. So I thought to myself, \'I don’t want to have to deal with that ever again.\' About a week after that, I designed my first woman-proof suit.\"
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld stated that, \"...the suits may be put into military action as soon as next year.\"
artid
1220
Old Image
5_7_bear.jpg
issue
vol 5 - issue 07 (mar 2003)
section
stories