GIANT DORK CHANGES NAME TO OPTIMUS PRIME

CUYAHOGA FALLS, OH - A member of Ohio\'s 5694th National Guard Unit in Mansfield, Ohio legally changed his name to Optimus Prime, a fictional cartoon character from a popular television cartoon from the 1980s called The Transformers. Mr. Prime legally changed his name on his 30th birthday, and now it\'s on everything, from his driver\'s license to his military ID.
“The funniest thing about all of this is that I didn\'t even make this story up,” stated tastes like chicken editor, Wayne Chinsang. “This fool really did this; he really exists.”
Mr. Prime stated that he plans on naming his next child Bumblebee. It is predicted that the child will grow up to hate, and possibly murder his father.