MAKE-A-WISH FOUNDATION REDIRECTS FUNDS

PHOENIX, AZ - Sick American children with a final wish to make had better wish extra hard. In fact, children from France, Spain, Australia, or any other industrialized country should cross every finger and toe, hold their breath, and wish upon dozens of stars-- and still, their wishes will probably go unrealized.
This is because the well-known charity for children, the Make-A-Wish Foundation, has turned its attention almost exclusively to Third World countries, turning its back on anyone who\'s ever seen plumbing.
Economic instability has forced the Foundation to count its pennies carefully. In the past, the Make-A-Wish Foundation had a history of making children\'s wildest dreams come true. But gone are the days of sending little Scotty of Glendale to Disney World, or Sharadon of Brooklyn to Space Camp.
Instead, Make-A-Wish is focusing on the more reasonable requests of children from Botswana, Bangladesh, Somalia, and other underdeveloped countries.
\"These kids have much more realistic requests,\" said Marlin Estes, a spokesman for Make-A-Wish. \"We can grant the wishes of hundreds of children in Nigeria for the same price as one American brat.\"
He went on to explain that last month alone they granted the wishes of 300 children in Africa, because all they wanted was a roll of toilet paper.
The five most popular requests by children of Third World countries are a bar of soap, a gallon of water, a loaf of bread, a bundle of straw, and a glass of milk.
\"A few kids get ballsy and ask for a cow, goat, or alpaca,\" Estes said. \"But even then, we can find those things on eBay for pocket change.\"
Estes projects that next year, Make-A-Wish will be able to provide quality, comfort, and substance to the last days of needy children across the world for a little less than $300.
\"Especially,\" he added, \"once we finalize our bulk purchasing deal with Cheez-Its.\"