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22 December 2023
WHERE OUR MADCAP MAN OF THE HOUR GOES POSTAL AND GETS FRANK WITH KNUCKLEHEADS IN HIGH PLACES.
This month Frank wrote to THE DIXIE CHICKS.
Dear Dixie Chicks,
Howdy! I just wanted to shoot y\'all a little letter concerning your anti-Bush, anti-American comments y\'all made whilst performin\' to all them limeys over in Britland. It is obvious to me an\' Deke (he\'s my dog) that you are some real smart n\' sassy ladies. It seems that y\'all must be wise like my ol\' dead granpappy, Deke (he\'s my dead granpappy, not my dog). Otherwise, I caint figure out why y\'all would say such mean things \'bout America and ol\' Dubya. Maybe you know something I don\'t. I always see them buttholes on CNN and whatnot talkin\' about the war and they seems to know what they\'re talkin about. I guess since y\'all are on the TV you must be real good informed on the politics too. Now that I think about it, everyone on the TV must know what they\'re jawin\' on about, else y\'all\'d just keep your damn yappers shut.
Hoo-eee, but anyway it musta taken some big ol\' cajones to spit that kinda talk out to a bunch a sissy-pants lite loafers like the English. I mean, what with their \"we\'d all be speakin\' German if not for the good ol\' US of A\" gumption, I bet that was a real big challenge of your lesbianism and whatnot. I bet them Brits got all riled up by your words and ate some crumpets and shit. Maybe they got too agitated to play croquette or whatever, and then flopped around with their limp wrists going all apey everywhere.
Anyway, I\'d like to extend y\'all a personal invitation to come speak your lesbo politics at my huntin\' lodge here in Laredo, Texas. I\'m sure words as fiery as those would go over real well with your core audience of country Americans. I understand with all the carpet munchin\' and tree huggin\' y\'all do these days, it might be tough to git here. But if y\'all can make it, I swear we won\'t kick you in your uppity, traitorous groins or anything when you come.
Ride on,
Ol\' Frank Putzerelli
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
This month Frank wrote to THE DIXIE CHICKS.
Dear Dixie Chicks,
Howdy! I just wanted to shoot y\'all a little letter concerning your anti-Bush, anti-American comments y\'all made whilst performin\' to all them limeys over in Britland. It is obvious to me an\' Deke (he\'s my dog) that you are some real smart n\' sassy ladies. It seems that y\'all must be wise like my ol\' dead granpappy, Deke (he\'s my dead granpappy, not my dog). Otherwise, I caint figure out why y\'all would say such mean things \'bout America and ol\' Dubya. Maybe you know something I don\'t. I always see them buttholes on CNN and whatnot talkin\' about the war and they seems to know what they\'re talkin about. I guess since y\'all are on the TV you must be real good informed on the politics too. Now that I think about it, everyone on the TV must know what they\'re jawin\' on about, else y\'all\'d just keep your damn yappers shut.
Hoo-eee, but anyway it musta taken some big ol\' cajones to spit that kinda talk out to a bunch a sissy-pants lite loafers like the English. I mean, what with their \"we\'d all be speakin\' German if not for the good ol\' US of A\" gumption, I bet that was a real big challenge of your lesbianism and whatnot. I bet them Brits got all riled up by your words and ate some crumpets and shit. Maybe they got too agitated to play croquette or whatever, and then flopped around with their limp wrists going all apey everywhere.
Anyway, I\'d like to extend y\'all a personal invitation to come speak your lesbo politics at my huntin\' lodge here in Laredo, Texas. I\'m sure words as fiery as those would go over real well with your core audience of country Americans. I understand with all the carpet munchin\' and tree huggin\' y\'all do these days, it might be tough to git here. But if y\'all can make it, I swear we won\'t kick you in your uppity, traitorous groins or anything when you come.
Ride on,
Ol\' Frank Putzerelli
DO YOU KNOW A PERSON OR COMPANY THAT YOU THINK FRANK SHOULD WRITE TO? IF SO, EMAIL HIM AT FRANK@TLCHICKEN.COM
artid
1244
Old Image
5_8_putz.jpg
issue
vol 5 - issue 08 (apr 2003)
section
stories