LOLLIPOP LUST KILL'S MY SO CALLED KNIFE

Okay, so I\'ve got this totally bitchin\' altar to Satan in my basement. And, the other night, I took this newborn baby I\'d ordered online from Germany, and placed it on the sacrificial table at the center of the altar. I smeared the feces of the demon goat, Kinnickelpuss, on the child\'s virginal forehead. Then I read from the ancient scriptures of Cthulhu. And, lo and behold, the llama god, Alpacalak, erupted from the ground beneath the altar, devouring the baby, my stainless steel sacrificial blade, and all those red currant candles I\'d bought at Pier 1 Imports! The beast of the depths had answered my call, and evil reigned supreme. Fuckin\' rad!
The reason I think this week\'s ceremony was so successful is, I was listening to Lollipop Lust Kill\'s (LLK) new album, My So Called Knife (Artemis Records), when I performed the ritual. Let me tell ya, if you hate sunlight and your parents (because they bought you a red Volkswagen Jetta, instead of a black one), then this is the album for you. It\'s as if Marilyn Manson, Tool, and Korn all got together and had a circle jerk. But before the last dude to spurt was forced to chow down on the bukkaked baked goods, it sprouted legs and instruments, thus becoming LLK! These guys make me fear for my immortal soul! I think just listening to this album will get me a choice room in Hell, right across the hall from Rudy Giuliani and Hitler! Sweet! From the first song, \"Black All Over\" (an ode to Mike Tyson) to the relentless \"Kill Greedy\", My So Called Knife is an exquisitely painful reminder that lyrics like \"Die! I want you to DIIIIIIIE!!!\" are raw poetry in motion. At one point, it even sounds like they\'ve exorcised the ghost of Annie Lennox and gotten her zombified corpse to sing backup! What\'s that? Annie Lennox isn\'t dead? Uh, well,.. never mind. Anyway, be sure to pick this one up. No vampire, nihilist, or necrophiliac\'s collection will be complete without it!
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