admin
22 December 2023
Q: What is it that keeps me from becoming the hard-ass karate bastard I yearn to be; the board-splitting martial arts master that lurks inside of me, waiting to bust out doing mad flips and high kicks?
A: I\'m very, very lazy, don\'t enjoy hard work, lack discipline, lust greasy foods, and am obsessed with TV.
These are the basic reasons why I and others like me, but specifically me, could never learn karate. However, here\'s a potential solution: a karate pill.
Seriously, what\'s one more pill? Need more Vitamin E in your diet? Take a pill. Don\'t wanna have babies but like doin’ the freaky? Take a pill. Wanna know karate, but don\'t have the time and/or mental and/or physical fortitude to learn it Ernie Reyes, Jr.-style? Take a pill.
Hey, you scientists reading this: You MUST invent a karate pill. Get on it! Start drawing up the plans, bust out the test tubes, file the damn grants, and get karate pills on the over-the-counter market, fucking pronto!
So, now we know the problem and the solution. Yes, I know that due to technological constraints the karate pill is pretty far from coming to fruition. But I know in my heart of hearts that it can, and will, happen. If the George Foreman grill can knock grease and fat outta my hamburgers whilst still allowing them to retain tastiness and juiciness, anything is possible.
All right. I\'ve written my piece. Thrown down the gauntlet. Waved the checkered flag. It is time. Let\'s make it happen. I want to know karate.
A: I\'m very, very lazy, don\'t enjoy hard work, lack discipline, lust greasy foods, and am obsessed with TV.
These are the basic reasons why I and others like me, but specifically me, could never learn karate. However, here\'s a potential solution: a karate pill.
Seriously, what\'s one more pill? Need more Vitamin E in your diet? Take a pill. Don\'t wanna have babies but like doin’ the freaky? Take a pill. Wanna know karate, but don\'t have the time and/or mental and/or physical fortitude to learn it Ernie Reyes, Jr.-style? Take a pill.
Hey, you scientists reading this: You MUST invent a karate pill. Get on it! Start drawing up the plans, bust out the test tubes, file the damn grants, and get karate pills on the over-the-counter market, fucking pronto!
So, now we know the problem and the solution. Yes, I know that due to technological constraints the karate pill is pretty far from coming to fruition. But I know in my heart of hearts that it can, and will, happen. If the George Foreman grill can knock grease and fat outta my hamburgers whilst still allowing them to retain tastiness and juiciness, anything is possible.
All right. I\'ve written my piece. Thrown down the gauntlet. Waved the checkered flag. It is time. Let\'s make it happen. I want to know karate.
artid
1347
Old Image
5_9_ninjapill.jpg
issue
vol 5 - issue 09 (may 2003)
section
stories