WEB EXCLUSIVE: CUTCO KNIVES

It was the first beautiful Saturday of the month. How did we spend it? Like any good, life-loving American would: we had a knife saleswoman come to The Coop and sell us her wares. Yes, we are quite fond of good kitchen cutlery here. It’s the only way we can properly julienne our couscous.
Our saleswoman’s name was Karen. She had red hair. Already, I liked her. We were one of her very first groups of “potential customers”. This made me feel special.
From her large, black carrying bag, the lovely and talented Karen pulled out the knives in question: CUTCO brand. One of the best brands in the business, according to Fphatty Lamar, who spends more time in a kitchen than an entire 1950s middle-American neighborhood of housewives. To quote her: “They slice; they dice; they’re worth the price.”
For each unique blade, there was an equally unique demonstration. One knife cut bread without crumbling it. One cut a sturdy piece of leather. Hell-- the kitchen shears cut a penny. A penny!
It was at this point that Realtoon came out of the door-to-door sales closet, and decided he, too, could demonstrate just how sharp these blades are. On my finger. I wasn’t surprised. Just bleeding. But Karen was a real trooper. She sterilized the weapon, scolded Realtoon sternly, and continued on with her riveting presentation.
CUTCO offers a variety of cutlery pieces and sets, as well as various additional kitchenware. Though the prices may seem a bit steep, they’re absolutely affordable considering the level of quality, durability, and craftsmanship you get. The handles will not rot. The blades will not rust. Your food will not be safe from the mighty, mighty blades of CUTCO.
So, if you like cutting food, or people, drop Karen a line and let her know. She’ll come to your house and give you the spiel. Just don’t let your friend Realtoon come over.
CUT YOUR FRIENDS WITH THESE KNIVES!