WEB EXCLUSIVE: PRESS KIT FOR THE DANCER UPSTAIRS

There’s a hole in the screen of my office window. You know-- the office by the bathroom? And because it’s warming up, climate-wise, the bugs are alive. They’re alive, I tell you! Sometimes, they fly through the hole in my window’s screen. So I kill them with whatever’s available. That’s why the cover image to this press kit is not accompanying this review-- because I used it to kill the little winged terrorist who invaded my work station nation. Now all I’m left with is a stupid CD. There better be some bells and whistles on this baby. Let’s see,.. nope. What the shit? Why would I go see your stupid movie when all you have to entice me are some lame images, and a few Microsoft Word documents about what critics are saying, and what the hell this wiener of a flick is about? Sure, the pictures are hi-res, and I can appreciate that. But what’s up with the mustachioed dude who looks like an “If They Mated” of John Travolta and George Clooney? “Dr. Ross, Mrs. Whippers is confibulting in room 13, stat!” See, I could be a doctor. And what’s this? John Malkovich behind the camera? Great. That freak is directing now? Oy.