ALEX & EMMA CD-ROM PRESS KIT

"Adam Shipley had given up on love. Art was to be his mistress. And so it was that in the summer of 1924, he took a sabbatical from Andover to write, if not the Great American Novel, certainly something that would make the world sit up and take notice."
Sometimes, art imitates life. In this case, Luke Wilson's life. You know, the Luke Wilson you admire from Bottle Rocket and The Royal Tenenbaums. Well, he's up and done "something that would make the world sit up and take notice." It's called, "acting in what looks like another fine turd of a romantic situation comedy."
Luke, Luke, Luke,... What happened, brother? Recession hit you a little too hard? There's a reason ol' Johnny Cusack bailed on this torturous genre and returned to a more legitimate display of his craft's true skill (see: Max). ROMANTIC SITUATION COMEDIES ARE THE DEATH OF ANY MAN'S CREDIBILITY!!! The only reason guys even go to these fucking movies is to get laid. Think about it: Serendipity. Kate & Leopold. Full Metal Jacket. They're chick flicks, in the most intellectually demeaning sense of the word. You don't walk out of the theater feeling engaged or inspired. You walk out of it with your balls climbing either further up into you, or back into your wife/girlfriend's purse, where they were in the first place.
And I know what you're thinking: "Vinnie, you judgmental prick. You haven't even SEEN the fucking movie." You're damn right I haven't. And I won't. I'd rather let Jamie Lee Curtis tea bag me than see Luke Wilson commit theatrical hari-kari.
All the press kit offers me, by way of any remotely redeeming quality, is a few photos. Most of them are lovely candid shots of Kate Hudson, who I would love to do very dirty, NC-17 things to. One is of some other lady with a French last name. She's submerged in a bubble bath. It gives me career ambitions of being bubbles. Oh, to clean her,...
So be ashamed, Luke Wilson. Unless there is some serious carnage and fornicating that the trailer is keeping a secret, you've stepped in some serious shameful dogshit with this one. And if any of you fellas actually go and see this, your date better put out like the porn star you always wanted.