ODE TO MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY

Matthew McConaughey, you're so sweet.
Like a tasty butter dish I can't wait to eat.
24 years old, I finally think I'm ready,
So take me like The Whispers, and we can rock steady.
Critics might dis, call you a pussy, and make fun,
But I've seen you slay dragons, and plan a wedding for J-Lo's big bum!
Eyes so blue, shirt so tight, pretty mouth so full of promise,
Don't deny our love anymore, you hulking Aryan adonis.
We'll meet at a secret spot, and I'll braid your silken hairs.
And you'll charge ahead carefree as I cry, "But I poop from there!"