THE BALLAD OF ZACH GOWEN

Inspired by the poetic words of Fphatty Lamar, I too felt moved to compose a few verses dedicated to a favorite pro wrestler. For those who don’t watch SmackDown! on Thursday nights, Zach Gowen is a wrestler who, despite losing his left leg to cancer when he was eight, is one of the most unbelievable performers currently with the WWE.
The Ballad of Zach Gowen
(Sung to the tune of those “Lego Maniac” commercials from, like, 15 years ago.)
His name is Zach, he’s new in town.
He’s five-foot-ten, 160 pounds.
He don’t play soccer, can’t run track,
‘Cause he’s a legless maniac!
Zach! Zach! He’s a legless maniac!
Prosthetic limbs will just slow down
The newest wrestler on SmackDown!
He hops his way across the mat
His leg held high like a baseball bat!
McMahon, O’Haire, and Piper know
To fear the kid who pinned Big Show
With a one-legged springboard flip attack
‘Cause he’s a legless maniac!
Zach! Zach! He’s a legless maniac!
Cancer couldn’t stop this guy
From dropping moonsaults from the sky.
He flies from the top rope to the ring.
He lost a leg, but not his wings!
He’s immune to Figure-Four leg-locks.
Saves 50 percent on pairs of socks.
At Vengeance, he fought Vinnie Mac,
‘Cause he’s a legless maniac!
Zach! Zach! He’s a legless maniac!