HOLLYWOOD, TAKE YOUR HOT DOG AND SHOVE IT

Some friends and I decided to be extras in the new Bernie Mac baseball movie, Mr. 3000. All we had to do is go to Miller Park and wait in line. For this, we would get the chance to be in the film, a free meal, and a chance to win raffle prizes.
We got to the park and waited in line. Slowly, we made our way through the doors,.. and into total chaos. No one knew where we had to go. It was like watching hilljacks in a corn maze.
People were going in and coming out of hallways and walkways in a blind search. We just followed the crowd of lemmings until we found open seats. Once seated, the fun really began.
Two assholes with mics started telling bad jokes and giving directions on how to act in the movie. We were playing a crowd in a baseball movie,.. how much direction do you need? Apparently, an hour. That's how long it took for some idiots to tell us how to do the wave. And they should know; according to the handout we received, they are "crowd pros". I swear, they have people for everything in Hollywood. I bet there's even a guy that wrangles turds when needed.
Once informed of the proper crowd reactions, the filming began. We stood and cheered, we sat and booed. Well, actually, everyone else did. My friends and I just sat and waited for our free shit. We will be easy to pick out in the movie. Just look for the people that don’t seem to care. Even at the "emotional climax" of the movie, we look like we are waiting for paint to dry.
Another hour goes by, and it is finally time for prize drawings. Isn’t it amazing who wins those damn things? The meek shall inherit the Earth,.. along with a 27" TV, a computer, and bunch of other shit I didn’t win.
The only fun part of the entire event was watching people make total asses of themselves on the Jumbotron. There are people that can dance, and then there are the rest of us. We know who we are, and we need to cut that shit out.
I would like to thank all the women that shook it on the big screen. It was like watching Girls Gone Wild. The weird part was a lot of people at the park where with church groups and families. But, God or not, apparently when a camera is on, it is time to shake that ass, and show 'em what you’ve got.
Anyway, it felt like five years of my life were gone. But when I looked at my watch, only two hours had passed. After reading the fine print in the program, I discovered you had to wait four hours after filming had started to claim your free hot dog and drink. Four fucking hours. I am not sure what that breaks down to in hot dogs per hour, but I think those damn Ethiopians make off better with that "cost of a cup of coffee a day" shit.
That was it. We'd had it. Fuck the hot dogs, and fuck this movie. And call the turd wrangler, 'cause we have a ripe one on its way to theaters.