DENGUE FEVER

This morning, I woke up in a blazing Asian love den. As the lurid swirls of opium smoke gave way to light and form, I realized I was surrounded by lovely, naked, dark-haired women. They rolled atop each other drowsily, their pert bodies tanned and moistened by the voluptuous heat of the Laotian sun. The scene was so pleasant, I didn't bother to question my own curious nudity.
Before I even had to ask, one of these gentle nymphs placed a dry martini in my hand. And, as I lapped up the bitter liquor cupped in my palm, I thought to myself, "Wouldn't this work better if she poured it into a glass?" But my question was soon forgotten, as the girl nearest me started administering my morning massage. Yeah, you know what I like, baby. That sweet, sweet Shiatsu.
And as I slurped at my drink and got lost in her hands, I noticed a hint of music in the air. At first it was punchy and ripe with Sixties' pop riffs. Then it pulled up into plump clouds of playful surf rock. Finally, the music dove headlong into the swank lullaby of spy vs. spy themes, each note dripping with international intrigue. And through it all, were rich female vocals. This siren's voice was hypnotizing,.. bouncy and inviting one minute, longing and shrill the next.
I turned my head, slightly, to ask the bare-bottomed vixen who was straddling my shoulders, "What's this music?" She simply replied, "Dengue Fever". And I was like, "Uh, no. The doctor said it was just my allergies." Said vixen just stared at me like I was a moron. Then, with the grace of a dead pigeon, she reached to the foot of the bed and retrieved a CD case. Without a word, she shoved it in front of my eyes. Ooooh.
When she said "Dengue Fever", she didn't mean the disease. She meant Dengue Fever, the band. So that's what we were listening to. Um, okay. Well, whatever it was called, I knew that this was the perfect soundtrack to the day of boundless pleasure and inevitable espionage that I was in for. So I resigned myself to licking dried vodka from my fingers, and soon fell asleep, back into dreams of Bond-like adventures and warm Cambodian shores.
Editor's Note: Debbie did NOT wake up in a "blazing Asian love den." He woke, as usual, alone and stuck to his sheets. If you'd like to learn more about Dengue Fever, check here.
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