THE SHIA MAILBAG

Hey Tina,
Don't worry. I'm not some "ho-bag" trying to get Shia's email address or phone number. I just have a simple question. Do you know if Shia is currently dating someone?
Thanks,
Kissis1243
kissis1243@yahoo.com
PS: XOXO for creating an awesome place to talk about the best person ever!
Kissis1243,
At first, I thought your name was "Kissis". Then I was like, "Oh, no way. That's all misspelled and stuff." Then I was like, "Well, what if her name is Kiss is 1243?" Maybe she's a fan of that band Kiss? You know, those old dudes who dress like Dungeons and Dragons porno clowns, and charge, like, a billion dollars for a ticket to their show, which is full of scuzzy dudes with mullets and no teeth? Then I was all like, "Well, who cares? This isn't about you. This is about Shia!" And then I had to take a cold shower.
So, yeah, like, your question. Do I know if Shia is currently dating someone? Well, no, I have no real idea. I tried to call his manager, but I think she knows I keep calling and leaving different names. It's not like I do it to make her mad. I just have, like, 18,000 people emailing me about Shia all day long, and, like, I wasn't born with all the answers!
So, unfortunately, I'm guessing no. I mean, if I were him, I'd just wait until my new movie comes out, and start dating all the hot girls in Hollywood. Wait-- that made me sound like a lesbo or something. I meant if I were Shia, I'd just wait until the movie came out, and date Tina Peters, the hottest girl in all the Midwest!
Did I answer your question? Sorta. Thanks for writing, and you're welcome for the forum. Shia is, like, totally awesome, and deserves some place to be read about.
TTFN,
Tina Peters, President of the Shia LaBeouf Fan Club, Waukesha Chapter
Tina,
Can I please PLEEZE have Shia LaBeouf's phone number? PLEEZE???
Thanks,
Jose Garibaldi
josejgaribaldi@hotmail.com
Dear Jose,
Listen. I started this forum to talk about the awesomest person ever, Shia LaBeouf. But you're, like, creeping me out. I mean, aren't you one of those artist dudes? Shouldn't you be drawing instead of asking me for a young boy's phone number? Do you like it in the butt, sicko? Like, sick! Sure, I think your comic, Maria's Wedding is, like, totally awesome. And the new drawings you've been doing of that chick Jingle Belle are, like, totally cool. But stop bothering me for that phone number!
Now, draw me a picture of Shia loving me, because I'm, like, totally awesome, and we might be able to talk.
Too Cool for School,
Tina Peters, President of the Shia LaBeouf Fan Club, Waukesha Chapter
Send your awesome Shia questions to tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com