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22 December 2023
TODAY'S LESSON: COPS
Since the dawn of time, man has stared up into the heavens and asked the big questions: Why am I here? What happens after I die? Why are all the pretty girls taken? Luckily, we now know that all the answers emanate from movie screens and boob tubes.
1. Police departments always partner up people who are complete opposites and can't get along.
2. Grumpy old cops never trust technology,.. only hunches.
3. A big case always opens just two days before the geezer is supposed to retire.
4. During the investigation of a case, there is always some information that can only be learned at a strip club.
5. The black police captain will yell at the star detective because he has just had his ass chewed out by the chief of police or the commissioner or the mayor.
6. Cops have their own special way of talking. Example: “Perps” (bad guy), “B&E” (breaking and entering), “Rat Squad” (internal affairs), “The Vic” (victim), and “Dopant” (Do these pants make my ass look big?).
7. Local cops never get along with the feds.
8. After the new partners solve their first case together, the older, wiser cop will make some wisecrack about how the FNG (Fucking New Guy) reminds him of himself as a younger cop.
9. Detectives can only solve a case once they've been thrown off it.
10. A semi or garbage truck pulling out of an alley will always keep the cops from catching the suspect during their first chase.
Since the dawn of time, man has stared up into the heavens and asked the big questions: Why am I here? What happens after I die? Why are all the pretty girls taken? Luckily, we now know that all the answers emanate from movie screens and boob tubes.
1. Police departments always partner up people who are complete opposites and can't get along.
2. Grumpy old cops never trust technology,.. only hunches.
3. A big case always opens just two days before the geezer is supposed to retire.
4. During the investigation of a case, there is always some information that can only be learned at a strip club.
5. The black police captain will yell at the star detective because he has just had his ass chewed out by the chief of police or the commissioner or the mayor.
6. Cops have their own special way of talking. Example: “Perps” (bad guy), “B&E” (breaking and entering), “Rat Squad” (internal affairs), “The Vic” (victim), and “Dopant” (Do these pants make my ass look big?).
7. Local cops never get along with the feds.
8. After the new partners solve their first case together, the older, wiser cop will make some wisecrack about how the FNG (Fucking New Guy) reminds him of himself as a younger cop.
9. Detectives can only solve a case once they've been thrown off it.
10. A semi or garbage truck pulling out of an alley will always keep the cops from catching the suspect during their first chase.
artid
1624
Old Image
6_1_everything.jpg
issue
vol 6 - issue 01 (sep 2003)
section
stories