A CONVERSATION CAUGHT ON TAPE BETWEEN DAVID BLAINE AND JOHN EDWARD

The following is a direct transcription from a tape tastes like chicken received, featuring a conversation between illusionist David Blaine, and John Edward, that creepy dude that talks to dead people.
John Edward: Dude, you're creeping me out. Quit staring at me like that.
David Blaine: I'm creeping you out? Whatever! You see dead people.
JE: Yeah? So?
DB: So?!? And you can talk to them!
JE: Well,.. yeah. But you sawed your ear off at that press conference.
DB: What?
JE: I SAID, YOU SAWED YOUR EAR OFF AT THAT PRESS CONFERENCE!
DB: So? You see spirits. You're in league with the Devil.
JE: Oh, like you aren't.
DB: Good point.
JE: And you entomb yourself in ice or in a coffin. Dumb shit like that.
DB: It's not what I do,.. it's who I am.
JE: Whatever. Your dead uncle told me to tell you that he thinks you're a douche bag.
[SOUNDS OF A SCUFFLE CAN BE HEARD.]
JE: What the-- ?!? Where did he go?
DB: Up here, jackass.
JE: How'd you get up on that pole?
DB: I'm a mystery.
JE: Oh, whatever. Your mom is going to die next April. I'll leave you up on your pole to think about which exact day it's going to happen.
DB: What?!? Get back here, you fucker!
JE: See ya, vampire!
[TAPE ENDS.]