FRANKLIN FURTER'S MATTERS OF THE HEART

Dear Franklin,
This is kind of embarrassing, but a few weeks ago I started sleeping with a new man. And I don’t know if it is his fault or not, but I have developed a strange rash. I drew a picture of it so that you could diagnose it. Should I see a doctor, or wait to see if it goes away?
Concerned in Cleveland,
Michael Parks
Michael,
I would be very concerned, especially if any part of your body is being depicted in your drawing. It looks like the rash might be on your ear, but then there are those two weird teeth-looking things at the top, so I don’t think it’s your ear. Actually, I’m confused; is the shaded part the rash, or is it the whole thing? Why don’t you draw another picture and try labeling it. Also, would it be too much to ask for you to use a blank piece of paper instead of an old envelope? I really need more information before I can tell you if you should see a doctor. Next month's column is already done, but I should be able to reply in a few months. Maybe you should take a course in drawing at a local community college.
Dear Franklin,
After seven years of marriage, my wife has decided to live in an apartment. She doesn’t want a divorce, but says she needs space. Also, she has suggested that we try dating. Why is she doing this?
Estranged in Vermont,
Max Smith
Max, if I knew the answer to that question I wouldn’t be Franklin Furter; I would be your wife. Have you tried asking her? Do you two actually communicate at all, or do you just discuss your relationship to strangers at newspapers? Chances are that things are getting stale, and she is longing for romance. Maybe she is wondering whether or not she wants to be married to such a boring man. Without romance, two people cannot be much more than friends. I think you should go with it. Take her out for a night on the town and have a grand old time. Remember that if she does move back home to not let this happen again.
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