admin
22 December 2023
Once in a lifetime you happen upon a true find that not only shocks and terrifies your eternal soul, but also makes you laugh so hard you can't keep yourself from vomiting all over the multi-colored linoleum floors of your favorite toy store.
Today, my friends, was that day, for my eyes spied the inconceivable as I entered that fateful shop. On the front door was the reserve slip to end all reserve slips-- some crazy son of a bitch (Blue Box Toys) is releasing a George W. Bush collector doll!
"So what?" you say. "I've seen plenty of those goofy talking bastards around."
No, you poor, deluded simpleton-- this is a 12" doll that actually pays homage to-- I shudder-- the chief's "heroic spirit". Can I get a collective gasp?
If you pay attention to the news, right after the "war" ended in Iraq, Dubya thought it would be sweet if he sat in the back of an S-3B Viking aircraft and pretend to land the plane on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln, which was docked in the Pacific Ocean. Of course, he would wear a full Blue Sea Wolf flight suit, and use the piloting skills he learned when he served in the Air National Guard in the '70s. It almost makes you forget that in 1972 he was suspended from flight duty and spent most of the Vietnam War evading military duties.
Well, Georgie blew a ton of cash for his little spectacle, and someone's gotta pay for it. But at least in exchange for our hard-earned cash, we will all receive this lovely, finely-detailed little Dubya to place on our mantle at home and in our hearts.
Yes, the little dickens is a sight to behold. He comes with all the proper accessories: a gas mask, parachute harness, survival vest, and helmet. All the stuff that Dick Cheney uses to entertain the Commander-In-Chief in the White House basement while the big boys go over important stuff,.. like global domination.
And just think of all the fun you could have with Dubya! Why, he could explore the depths of Atlantis while you use him to clean your toilet bowl! He could uncover buried treasure on a far away pirate island while you use his face to scrape up dog shit off your lawn. He could even strip down to his skivvies and free the missing Pennsylvanian coal miners that were trapped in your lover's rectum. Hoozaaa!
What fun, what fun indeed! So do not delay! Order George right now from your local toy store, and beat the crowds! How could you resist? You can't! Because it's mandatory! Hee hee hee.
*Paid for by the Let's All Go Re-Elect George W. Bush And Then Shoot Ourselves In The Head Re-Election Committee.
IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT.
Today, my friends, was that day, for my eyes spied the inconceivable as I entered that fateful shop. On the front door was the reserve slip to end all reserve slips-- some crazy son of a bitch (Blue Box Toys) is releasing a George W. Bush collector doll!
"So what?" you say. "I've seen plenty of those goofy talking bastards around."
No, you poor, deluded simpleton-- this is a 12" doll that actually pays homage to-- I shudder-- the chief's "heroic spirit". Can I get a collective gasp?
If you pay attention to the news, right after the "war" ended in Iraq, Dubya thought it would be sweet if he sat in the back of an S-3B Viking aircraft and pretend to land the plane on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln, which was docked in the Pacific Ocean. Of course, he would wear a full Blue Sea Wolf flight suit, and use the piloting skills he learned when he served in the Air National Guard in the '70s. It almost makes you forget that in 1972 he was suspended from flight duty and spent most of the Vietnam War evading military duties.
Well, Georgie blew a ton of cash for his little spectacle, and someone's gotta pay for it. But at least in exchange for our hard-earned cash, we will all receive this lovely, finely-detailed little Dubya to place on our mantle at home and in our hearts.
Yes, the little dickens is a sight to behold. He comes with all the proper accessories: a gas mask, parachute harness, survival vest, and helmet. All the stuff that Dick Cheney uses to entertain the Commander-In-Chief in the White House basement while the big boys go over important stuff,.. like global domination.
And just think of all the fun you could have with Dubya! Why, he could explore the depths of Atlantis while you use him to clean your toilet bowl! He could uncover buried treasure on a far away pirate island while you use his face to scrape up dog shit off your lawn. He could even strip down to his skivvies and free the missing Pennsylvanian coal miners that were trapped in your lover's rectum. Hoozaaa!
What fun, what fun indeed! So do not delay! Order George right now from your local toy store, and beat the crowds! How could you resist? You can't! Because it's mandatory! Hee hee hee.
*Paid for by the Let's All Go Re-Elect George W. Bush And Then Shoot Ourselves In The Head Re-Election Committee.
IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT.
artid
1708
Old Image
6_2_toybox2.jpg
issue
vol 6 - issue 02 (oct 2003)
section
entertainmental