admin
22 December 2023
1. Old 97's - Too Far To Care
What's that you say? Your girlfriend left you? Man, I'm sorry. Look, I know what it's like-- hey,.. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!? PUT DOWN THAT DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL CD! DON'T WALLOW IN THAT POETIC NONSENSE! NO!!!
Seriously, have you noticed there's been a long string of sad bastard CDs that don't really have the brass to be called "bastard"? Well, here you go: Too Far To Care by the Old 97's-- the cure for the bastard of yore. Almost every track has a great hook, and enough depressing stories of nightclub sleaze and hard luck for you to cry in your beer until that first crack of sunlight dooms you as hung-over. As for the style of the album, you've heard the more recently coined phrase "alt-country"? Well, this is the real deal, you lushes: grimy themes, old-time country influence, power-pop sensibilities, a bit of punk, a dash o' bluegrass, and the best part-- no over-the-top, faked twangy vocals. So forget Dashboard, or that little indie rock punk in Omaha. If you're gonna go on a bender fueled by depression, desperation, and thoughts of that evil bitch you'd go back to in a heartbeat, this, my bastards, is your soundtrack.
(Makes great company with: Crooked Fingers, Hank Williams III, Whiskeytown, X.)
2. American Steel - Jagged Thoughts
So, what if Rancid decided they weren't gonna do the same street-punk/ska/old-school hardcore blend that they've been doing since I was a disturbed, zit-faced youth? They might have gone the direction American Steel went with their album Jagged Thoughts, and God-fuckin-bless American Steel for it!
This is probably one of the most refreshing releases I've heard as far as current punk goes, and believe me, punk and refreshing don't go together that often! Start off with gritty, passionate vocals (a la Rancid), throw in some layered guitars blasting out infectious melodies, mix in a few slower numbers to switch up the pacing, and, of course, painful life-lesson lyrics that will make you cry for your mommy. Voila! Your standard East-Bay punk album. Now throw in some subtle Irish-folk influence. (No, not a la Flogging Molly. I said "subtle".) And finish it off with some old R&B influence. (No, I don't mean Boyz II Men, ABC, or BBD. Think more like the Four Tops; more in the vein of '60's soul than R. Kelly molesting pre-teens.) Mix all of this in a blender, and you have the Jagged Thoughts album. The whole idea at first seems a bit cumbersome, but trust me, it blends together as beautifully as an Irish Car Bomb,.. and I do mean with Jameson's. Cheers!
(Makes great company with: Communique, Hot Water Music, The Broadways.)
3. The Return of Captain Invincible
The third item has received "The Great Crapola Award", a piece of media that has exceeded my craptacular expectations. Often times, I wonder what possesses me to rent such cinematic blunders as: Death Wish 4, Waxwork, or anything with Denis Leary. Well, I'll tell you what possesses me: Alan Arkin in tights with eagle feet on his shoulders, that's what! The Return of Captain Invincible has everything you've ever wanted in a good bad movie, including, but not limited to: an unexplained mute catfish-looking midget creature; an ex-superhero-turned-alcoholic; killer vacuum cleaners; and the ugliest President of America ever portrayed in any film ever! Still not sold? How about musical numbers, including the President's "bullshit" song, where the only lyric is, "Bullshit"? And no, I'm not fucking bullshitting! Still not convinced? Well, did I mention that the lead villain, Mr. Midnight, is played by none other than Christopher Lee? YEAH! He even has his own musical number about booze! Trust me, seeing this movie is not only believing that all of the aforementioned is actually in one film, but also that Hollywood will make absolutely anything! Go now! Rent it! Buy it! REVEL IN IT!
(Makes great company with: a full-frontal lobotomy and a bag of Fritos. Plain Fritos,.. no dip, either.)
PURCHASE THIS OR SIMILAR ITEMS
What's that you say? Your girlfriend left you? Man, I'm sorry. Look, I know what it's like-- hey,.. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!? PUT DOWN THAT DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL CD! DON'T WALLOW IN THAT POETIC NONSENSE! NO!!!
Seriously, have you noticed there's been a long string of sad bastard CDs that don't really have the brass to be called "bastard"? Well, here you go: Too Far To Care by the Old 97's-- the cure for the bastard of yore. Almost every track has a great hook, and enough depressing stories of nightclub sleaze and hard luck for you to cry in your beer until that first crack of sunlight dooms you as hung-over. As for the style of the album, you've heard the more recently coined phrase "alt-country"? Well, this is the real deal, you lushes: grimy themes, old-time country influence, power-pop sensibilities, a bit of punk, a dash o' bluegrass, and the best part-- no over-the-top, faked twangy vocals. So forget Dashboard, or that little indie rock punk in Omaha. If you're gonna go on a bender fueled by depression, desperation, and thoughts of that evil bitch you'd go back to in a heartbeat, this, my bastards, is your soundtrack.
(Makes great company with: Crooked Fingers, Hank Williams III, Whiskeytown, X.)
2. American Steel - Jagged Thoughts
So, what if Rancid decided they weren't gonna do the same street-punk/ska/old-school hardcore blend that they've been doing since I was a disturbed, zit-faced youth? They might have gone the direction American Steel went with their album Jagged Thoughts, and God-fuckin-bless American Steel for it!
This is probably one of the most refreshing releases I've heard as far as current punk goes, and believe me, punk and refreshing don't go together that often! Start off with gritty, passionate vocals (a la Rancid), throw in some layered guitars blasting out infectious melodies, mix in a few slower numbers to switch up the pacing, and, of course, painful life-lesson lyrics that will make you cry for your mommy. Voila! Your standard East-Bay punk album. Now throw in some subtle Irish-folk influence. (No, not a la Flogging Molly. I said "subtle".) And finish it off with some old R&B influence. (No, I don't mean Boyz II Men, ABC, or BBD. Think more like the Four Tops; more in the vein of '60's soul than R. Kelly molesting pre-teens.) Mix all of this in a blender, and you have the Jagged Thoughts album. The whole idea at first seems a bit cumbersome, but trust me, it blends together as beautifully as an Irish Car Bomb,.. and I do mean with Jameson's. Cheers!
(Makes great company with: Communique, Hot Water Music, The Broadways.)
3. The Return of Captain Invincible
The third item has received "The Great Crapola Award", a piece of media that has exceeded my craptacular expectations. Often times, I wonder what possesses me to rent such cinematic blunders as: Death Wish 4, Waxwork, or anything with Denis Leary. Well, I'll tell you what possesses me: Alan Arkin in tights with eagle feet on his shoulders, that's what! The Return of Captain Invincible has everything you've ever wanted in a good bad movie, including, but not limited to: an unexplained mute catfish-looking midget creature; an ex-superhero-turned-alcoholic; killer vacuum cleaners; and the ugliest President of America ever portrayed in any film ever! Still not sold? How about musical numbers, including the President's "bullshit" song, where the only lyric is, "Bullshit"? And no, I'm not fucking bullshitting! Still not convinced? Well, did I mention that the lead villain, Mr. Midnight, is played by none other than Christopher Lee? YEAH! He even has his own musical number about booze! Trust me, seeing this movie is not only believing that all of the aforementioned is actually in one film, but also that Hollywood will make absolutely anything! Go now! Rent it! Buy it! REVEL IN IT!
(Makes great company with: a full-frontal lobotomy and a bag of Fritos. Plain Fritos,.. no dip, either.)
PURCHASE THIS OR SIMILAR ITEMS
artid
1837
Old Image
6_4_shit.jpg
issue
vol 6 - issue 04 (dec 2003)
section
entertainmental