12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS - DAY 01

Two months ago, Sal Swayzo created this freaky image for a story that was pulled. (Yeah, we actually don't print everything.) Instead of tossing the pic, though, we decided to have 12 staff members write 12 different stories about the image for a 12 Days of Christmas type of thing. Dig,...
BORK-STYLE
Reindeer: Hey, kids! I'm a reindeer!
Kids: Yay!
R: Guess what I just did?
K: What?
R: I killed Santa Claus! Merry Christmas!
K: Fuck you, Rudolph! You bitch!
R: What? I got tired of carrying his fat ass!