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22 December 2023
Dear Franklin,
Sometimes when my girlfriend wants to have sex I am tired or worn out. I am only 37, and I feel that I am still young and should have more sexual energy. Do you have any advice?
Tuckered Out In Tucson,
Gary Tulane
Dear Gary,
I have, in fact, done some experimental research in this very field. Although my results were positive, I must stress that this information is not substantiated by any medical professionals, and is therefore to be considered very dangerous. In other words, continue reading at your own risk. To start, you must think of your body as a temple. Not in terms of a temple of good, but more like a temple that is extremely boring. Maybe more like a museum of things you really don’t care about, like hair dryers or something. With this in mind, you should try and limit your daily alcohol intake to under one six-pack. And no liquor. Additionally, for maximum results you should stop taking any sort of sleeping pills or recreational drugs of any sort. I know it’s difficult, but just think "hair dryers"-- I mean, more sex. If you are really serious, you could also stop smoking and start some sort of exercise program. I tried this program for a week once, but ended up losing my job. You know, when you aren’t thinking about it, you really don’t notice how many holes there are around: at the work place, at home, or even at the supermarket. Of course, without a job, your girlfriend will probably leave you. Then you’ll probably start drinking again, forget to exercise, and so on and so on. So my advice to you would be to start working longer hours at the office.
Dear Franklin,
Once again, it’s Christmas time, and I’m left wondering what to get for my in-laws. They actually are pretty okay people. It’s not like we don’t get along or anything; we just don’t really take any interest in each other's lives. I’ve tried asking my wife what they would like, but she gets upset and says I should know by now. (We’ve been married eight years.)
Name Withheld To Avoid Wife’s Fiery Wrath
Dear Name Withheld To Avoid Wife’s Fiery Wrath,
I’ll help you this time, but you must promise to take an interest in your wife’s family next year. Perhaps you could engage in some sort of sporting activity with your father-in-law, or take your in-laws out to a play or something nice like that. As for a gift for this year, I would strongly recommend a railroad handcart. That’s right, it's the perfect holiday gift. What couple wouldn’t want to spend quality couple time together traveling this country's vast network of railroads? They’ll surely thank you for the hours of soothing sightseeing and healthy invigorating exercise. And if by chance the railroad handcart ends up behind some tires in the garage, I would be more than happy to take it off their hands.
HAVING PROBLEMS WITH MATTERS OF YOUR HEART? EMAIL FRANKLIN HERE FOR ALL THE ANSWERS.
Sometimes when my girlfriend wants to have sex I am tired or worn out. I am only 37, and I feel that I am still young and should have more sexual energy. Do you have any advice?
Tuckered Out In Tucson,
Gary Tulane
Dear Gary,
I have, in fact, done some experimental research in this very field. Although my results were positive, I must stress that this information is not substantiated by any medical professionals, and is therefore to be considered very dangerous. In other words, continue reading at your own risk. To start, you must think of your body as a temple. Not in terms of a temple of good, but more like a temple that is extremely boring. Maybe more like a museum of things you really don’t care about, like hair dryers or something. With this in mind, you should try and limit your daily alcohol intake to under one six-pack. And no liquor. Additionally, for maximum results you should stop taking any sort of sleeping pills or recreational drugs of any sort. I know it’s difficult, but just think "hair dryers"-- I mean, more sex. If you are really serious, you could also stop smoking and start some sort of exercise program. I tried this program for a week once, but ended up losing my job. You know, when you aren’t thinking about it, you really don’t notice how many holes there are around: at the work place, at home, or even at the supermarket. Of course, without a job, your girlfriend will probably leave you. Then you’ll probably start drinking again, forget to exercise, and so on and so on. So my advice to you would be to start working longer hours at the office.
Dear Franklin,
Once again, it’s Christmas time, and I’m left wondering what to get for my in-laws. They actually are pretty okay people. It’s not like we don’t get along or anything; we just don’t really take any interest in each other's lives. I’ve tried asking my wife what they would like, but she gets upset and says I should know by now. (We’ve been married eight years.)
Name Withheld To Avoid Wife’s Fiery Wrath
Dear Name Withheld To Avoid Wife’s Fiery Wrath,
I’ll help you this time, but you must promise to take an interest in your wife’s family next year. Perhaps you could engage in some sort of sporting activity with your father-in-law, or take your in-laws out to a play or something nice like that. As for a gift for this year, I would strongly recommend a railroad handcart. That’s right, it's the perfect holiday gift. What couple wouldn’t want to spend quality couple time together traveling this country's vast network of railroads? They’ll surely thank you for the hours of soothing sightseeing and healthy invigorating exercise. And if by chance the railroad handcart ends up behind some tires in the garage, I would be more than happy to take it off their hands.
HAVING PROBLEMS WITH MATTERS OF YOUR HEART? EMAIL FRANKLIN HERE FOR ALL THE ANSWERS.
artid
1863
Old Image
6_4_franklin.jpg
issue
vol 6 - issue 04 (dec 2003)
section
stories