THE SHIA MAILBAG

From: Rick Martinez
To: tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com
Sent: Monday, November 03, 2003 5:50 PM
Subject: Oh,..
Oh by the way she nick name is Tina too. Please email me back thank you.
Dear Rick,
Uh,...
Your pal,
- Tina Peters
From: Rick Martinez
To: tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com
Sent: Monday, November 03, 2003 5:53 PM
Subject: Re: Oh,..
Look my name is Lissette do you have Shia LaBeouf email add I want to give it to my little girl for her birthday.
Dear Rick Lissette,
I am, like, so confused. I mean, as if your first letter weren’t confusing enough, now you’re another person? My mom told me about this girl once. Her name was Cybil or something. She thought she was a lot of people. I’m sure somewhere in there, she thought she was a guy named Rick, too.
So, Rick & Lissette, I hate to burst your “little girl’s” bubble, but we can’t give out Shia’s email address. We’d get SO sued. His agent would be all up in my face like, “Who you think you is?” Yeah, she smells about as well as she speaks.
Sorry to disappoint. Maybe you could get your little girl a Shia t-shirt for her birthday. They’re, like, totally awesome.
Thanks again,
- Tina Peters
From: Rick Martinez
To: tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com
Sent: Monday, November 03, 2003 6:00 PM
Subject: Please.
Can you please give me the email add please this means so much to her.
Hey Rick again,
Um, maybe you didn’t get my response yet, so I’m just gonna let this one go.
Awesome with a capital “A”,
- Tina Peters
From: Rick Martinez
To: tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com
Sent: Monday, November 03, 2003 6:08 PM
Subject: Hello. I have a question.
Hi My daughter loves Shia and her birthday is coming and I was wondering if you have his email add so she can email him she will be so happy please if you can reply.
Okay, look--
This is getting SO old. I’m, like, halfway out the door for the night, because Kimmy and I have to go try on dresses for the Winter Formal, which I probably won’t even go to because I have this huge disgusting pimple on my forehead and David Hippelberger won’t even look at me because of it, even though he did ask Lacy Jamison if I was going steady with anyone, which I’m not, and she told him that, and he was so cool and smiled and walked away, which she figured meant that he liked me. I mean, why would you ask that if you didn’t, like, like the person or something? I’m sure he’ll ask me, because this pimple will go away in three weeks, right? I mean, Derek Kultz told Suzy Hutchins that HE thought I was kinda cute, too, and I would, like, totally go to the Winter Formal with him instead of David Hippelberger if he asked me first, but, like, I think David would be a way better kisser, and I really think I want to make out with him, but please don’t say anything to any of the other staff members at tastes like chicken, because they know David, and they think he is ugly and gay.
Thanks a million,
- Tina Peters
Send your awesome Shia questions to tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com