THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT,.. NO,.. PRESENT, EVER

I used to think Christmas was for ninnies. Well, ninnies and Gentiles. Then I discovered that my editor/boss/sponsor, the honorable Wayne Chinsang, has a heart.
I discovered it about a half-hour ago, when he gave me a special little DVD called The Work of Director Michel Gondry.
I’d been eyeing his copy of it for a while now; he being the one who earned the original copy sent to the tastes like chicken headquarters for review. But when a second one magically appeared in Wayne’s sinful boudoir/office, it was I, ugly Serbo-Italian Vinnie Baggadonuts, who reaped the reward.
So, in honor of you, Wild Wonderful Wayne Chinsang, I’ve written this song, which will sound more like a printed poem, because you can’t hear plain ol’ written words:
Wayne,.. oh, Wayne,
You sweep me off my feet.
The way you give me gifts,
My heart, it skips a beat.
Wayne,.. oh, Wayne,
Though neither of us are gay,
Were I to develop a uterus,
I might have your bay-bay. (I spelled it like that for phonetic reasons.)
Thank you for the present, Chief.
Thank you thank you thank yaaa.
Thank you for the present, whoa.
Thank you thank you thank ya.
There are a few more verses, and a pretty tight clarinet solo, too. But I got shit to do, so peace out.