admin
22 December 2023
Dear Jennifer Connelly,
Hey. What up? Hope all is well. Oh, you may be wondering who I am, and why I’m writing you. Well, my name is D.J. Kirkbride: ace simpleton and writer for tastes like chicken. I’ve decided to imagine you check our website often, and figured I’d use said self-created delusion to take up a wee little bit of bandwidth as a way to ask you out on a date.
That’s right. You. Me. Maybe some burritos. (There’s this place here in Milwaukee called Qdoba,.. kicks much ass.) A movie. Or whatever. Nothing big. Just a nice, simple night out. If it leads to something else, well,.. hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Now, I know you have a kid or two or some shit like that. I won’t hold it against you. And don’t worry about finding a babysitter. My fellow tastes like chicken staffer and spiritual advisor, one Vinnie Baggadonuts, has agreed to watch however many rugrats you have. No sweat. Kids love the bald bastard. And he finally settled that lawsuit out of court, so no problems on that front.
Okeedokee. That’s about it. Let me know when you want to do this. My email address is dj@tlchicken.com. I check it obsessively, so,.. yeah. Get back to me.
See you soon,
- D.J. “Your Future Boyfriend” Kirkbride
Hey. What up? Hope all is well. Oh, you may be wondering who I am, and why I’m writing you. Well, my name is D.J. Kirkbride: ace simpleton and writer for tastes like chicken. I’ve decided to imagine you check our website often, and figured I’d use said self-created delusion to take up a wee little bit of bandwidth as a way to ask you out on a date.
That’s right. You. Me. Maybe some burritos. (There’s this place here in Milwaukee called Qdoba,.. kicks much ass.) A movie. Or whatever. Nothing big. Just a nice, simple night out. If it leads to something else, well,.. hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Now, I know you have a kid or two or some shit like that. I won’t hold it against you. And don’t worry about finding a babysitter. My fellow tastes like chicken staffer and spiritual advisor, one Vinnie Baggadonuts, has agreed to watch however many rugrats you have. No sweat. Kids love the bald bastard. And he finally settled that lawsuit out of court, so no problems on that front.
Okeedokee. That’s about it. Let me know when you want to do this. My email address is dj@tlchicken.com. I check it obsessively, so,.. yeah. Get back to me.
See you soon,
- D.J. “Your Future Boyfriend” Kirkbride
artid
1883
Old Image
6_4_connelly.jpg
issue
vol 6 - issue 04 (dec 2003)
section
stories