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22 December 2023
Wow! 2003 was quite a year. There were so many high quality toys released, it was enough to put anyone without the strongest will power in the poor house. Now, with the promise of a new year in front of me, I've decided to reflect on 2003, remember its bounty, and herald the four best toy lines of the past year. Why a top four? Well, a top ten seemed way too long, and I am way too lazy to do a top five. So, without further adieu, I give you “Jeremy Scott’s Fabulously Frolicking Fantastic Foray of Formidably Formed Toys”! (Damn! Why couldn't there be a word for "toy" that started with the letter “F”? Curse you, crafters of the English language!)
FIRST PLACE - Honestly, there really wasn't much competition for the number one spot this year. Hands down, Palisades is the top company this year with their Muppet line. Anyone who has seen these toys could not honestly disagree with me. Not only is the subject matter near and dear to my heart, but each Muppet has been recreated with a sculpting and paint quality that blows every competitor out of the water! Kermit, Fozzie, Beaker-- every figure is a triumph in plastic. And if the action figures alone were not enough to get you dashing for your wallet, the playsets are even better. The line has given us four wonderful pieces of art, the best two being the Swedish Chef’s Kitchen and the "Pigs In Space" set. If you are a collector and have never bought at least one of these delightful items, your geek card has been officially revoked, and you are henceforth banished from this country, because you are a Communist. Live it up in Russia, Comrade, because you're no longer welcome here!
SECOND PLACE - The second place prize this year goes to Toy Biz for their continuing The Lord of the Rings line. I have to be honest here: I was not happy when I heard this company got the franchise rights to The Lord of the Rings. I never really liked any of their toys. I personally would have been much happier if McFarlane got the license. In fact, when the first line of The Fellowship of the Ring figures came out, I couldn't even get past the Toy Biz logo on the package. Well, folks, it's time for the old man here to eat crow. I'm talking 20 blackbirds in one nasty pie going down my gullet in one horrendous sitting. What can I say,.. they are some damn fine toys. Each figure is accurate to the actor, and their complex costumes have some really fine detailing work, particularly in the weaponry. Another surprise is that most of their figures employ some really great action features-- everything from throwing axes to firing arrows with real tiny bows. Top that off with some really outstanding articulation, and you have the makings of a really great toy line. As if all that wasn't enough, Toy Biz even made some of the larger characters, like Treebeard, and a fantastic 12" Gollum with exacting detail and sound effects to boot! Needless to say, I really underestimated Toy Biz, and I hope this line continues for some time to come.
THIRD PLACE - Number three this year goes to the man who really raised the bar when it came to making toys. If it wasn't for this guy’s company scaring all the other companies, the world of toys might be very different today. 2003 was a great year for McFarlane Toys. To name a few, we saw Aliens, Predator, The Wizard of Oz, Terminator 3, and all of those nutty sports figures. I even saw NASCAR figures the other day! However, for me, the absolute best had to be the Matrix toys. Sure, the new movies might not have excited you that much, but the figures are pieces fantastique! They pretty much abandoned articulation, and opted for statuesque poses with great bases. This way, they could have figures running up walls or floating in the air using wire. The final result is pretty spectacular. So, what kept you from being number one, Todd? Well, as great as your sculpting and painting techniques have become, your toys suffer from a severe weakness: cheap materials! I understand you want to keep costs down, but, Jesus, Todd! Some of your items arrive broken fresh out of the package! The Matrix APU is a great example. It’s a gorgeous work of art, a true marvel to behold,.. and a piece of crap. I broke the whole left arm off trying to get it out of the box. Why didn't you spend a little more money and make the thing out of stronger plastic instead of dried spaghetti? Damn, I would pay more for the thing if I was sure it wouldn't disintegrate if it fell off the shelf! And while we’re at it, could you possibly use any more twist ties? I swear to God, there must have been 50 holding that thing to the cardboard insert! Honestly, you really only need about five, tops. And what are those things made out of, adamantium? Why don't you spend less money on the fucking twist ties, and more on something I am not going to throw away? You know, like the stupid product. Oh yeah, and congratulations for making number three on my list.
FOURTH PLACE - Finally, number four this year even shocked me. I absolutely adore the Star Wars universe. I own tons of expensive prop replicas, have a life-size Yoda in my living room, and a large tattoo of Jar Jar Binks on my back. Let's face it, though: the action figures blow compared to other toys on the market. Obviously, I love them dearly, mainly because the first action figure I ever got was Luke Skywalker in his Jedi outfit when I was seven years old. But when I make these lists, I have to be honest with myself and my readers. I finally had to shrug and admit that Hasbro apparently can’t compete with the complexity of the current toy market. And just when I was about to shoot myself in the head, I saw what they were capable of when I bought my first character from their new Star Wars “Unleashed” line. These things are amazing! They are basically little sculptures. At almost ten inches high, they have all the sculptural and paint detail you would find on a McFarlane action figure. The "Unleashed" line breathes excitement and style back into a stagnant line of toys. Of the 12 that Hasbro has made so far, my clear favorite has to be Boba Fett blasting out of the Sarlacc Pit. This thing just screams cool, as the base is comprised of transparent flame firing out of Boba’s jet pack and the rim of the spiky pit. The figure of Fett itself is nicely detailed, with a few grasping tentacles from the Sarlacc thrown in for good measure. It makes for a terrific figure that fans of Star Wars have long been hoping for. The only thing I would improve is a better package to more properly sell these gems, but that would be terribly easy. Hasbro, please scale down the production of the smaller figures and make more "Unleashed" items. Six a year is far too few to get my fix.
All of this ass-kissing sure has made me tired. I don't know how the people at the Academy Awards do it every year! Well, now that I have officially looked back at the best of the best of 2003, I can look forward with jubilation to an exciting new year; for who knows what a new year can bring?
PURCHASE THIS OR SIMILAR ITEMS
FIRST PLACE - Honestly, there really wasn't much competition for the number one spot this year. Hands down, Palisades is the top company this year with their Muppet line. Anyone who has seen these toys could not honestly disagree with me. Not only is the subject matter near and dear to my heart, but each Muppet has been recreated with a sculpting and paint quality that blows every competitor out of the water! Kermit, Fozzie, Beaker-- every figure is a triumph in plastic. And if the action figures alone were not enough to get you dashing for your wallet, the playsets are even better. The line has given us four wonderful pieces of art, the best two being the Swedish Chef’s Kitchen and the "Pigs In Space" set. If you are a collector and have never bought at least one of these delightful items, your geek card has been officially revoked, and you are henceforth banished from this country, because you are a Communist. Live it up in Russia, Comrade, because you're no longer welcome here!
SECOND PLACE - The second place prize this year goes to Toy Biz for their continuing The Lord of the Rings line. I have to be honest here: I was not happy when I heard this company got the franchise rights to The Lord of the Rings. I never really liked any of their toys. I personally would have been much happier if McFarlane got the license. In fact, when the first line of The Fellowship of the Ring figures came out, I couldn't even get past the Toy Biz logo on the package. Well, folks, it's time for the old man here to eat crow. I'm talking 20 blackbirds in one nasty pie going down my gullet in one horrendous sitting. What can I say,.. they are some damn fine toys. Each figure is accurate to the actor, and their complex costumes have some really fine detailing work, particularly in the weaponry. Another surprise is that most of their figures employ some really great action features-- everything from throwing axes to firing arrows with real tiny bows. Top that off with some really outstanding articulation, and you have the makings of a really great toy line. As if all that wasn't enough, Toy Biz even made some of the larger characters, like Treebeard, and a fantastic 12" Gollum with exacting detail and sound effects to boot! Needless to say, I really underestimated Toy Biz, and I hope this line continues for some time to come.
THIRD PLACE - Number three this year goes to the man who really raised the bar when it came to making toys. If it wasn't for this guy’s company scaring all the other companies, the world of toys might be very different today. 2003 was a great year for McFarlane Toys. To name a few, we saw Aliens, Predator, The Wizard of Oz, Terminator 3, and all of those nutty sports figures. I even saw NASCAR figures the other day! However, for me, the absolute best had to be the Matrix toys. Sure, the new movies might not have excited you that much, but the figures are pieces fantastique! They pretty much abandoned articulation, and opted for statuesque poses with great bases. This way, they could have figures running up walls or floating in the air using wire. The final result is pretty spectacular. So, what kept you from being number one, Todd? Well, as great as your sculpting and painting techniques have become, your toys suffer from a severe weakness: cheap materials! I understand you want to keep costs down, but, Jesus, Todd! Some of your items arrive broken fresh out of the package! The Matrix APU is a great example. It’s a gorgeous work of art, a true marvel to behold,.. and a piece of crap. I broke the whole left arm off trying to get it out of the box. Why didn't you spend a little more money and make the thing out of stronger plastic instead of dried spaghetti? Damn, I would pay more for the thing if I was sure it wouldn't disintegrate if it fell off the shelf! And while we’re at it, could you possibly use any more twist ties? I swear to God, there must have been 50 holding that thing to the cardboard insert! Honestly, you really only need about five, tops. And what are those things made out of, adamantium? Why don't you spend less money on the fucking twist ties, and more on something I am not going to throw away? You know, like the stupid product. Oh yeah, and congratulations for making number three on my list.
FOURTH PLACE - Finally, number four this year even shocked me. I absolutely adore the Star Wars universe. I own tons of expensive prop replicas, have a life-size Yoda in my living room, and a large tattoo of Jar Jar Binks on my back. Let's face it, though: the action figures blow compared to other toys on the market. Obviously, I love them dearly, mainly because the first action figure I ever got was Luke Skywalker in his Jedi outfit when I was seven years old. But when I make these lists, I have to be honest with myself and my readers. I finally had to shrug and admit that Hasbro apparently can’t compete with the complexity of the current toy market. And just when I was about to shoot myself in the head, I saw what they were capable of when I bought my first character from their new Star Wars “Unleashed” line. These things are amazing! They are basically little sculptures. At almost ten inches high, they have all the sculptural and paint detail you would find on a McFarlane action figure. The "Unleashed" line breathes excitement and style back into a stagnant line of toys. Of the 12 that Hasbro has made so far, my clear favorite has to be Boba Fett blasting out of the Sarlacc Pit. This thing just screams cool, as the base is comprised of transparent flame firing out of Boba’s jet pack and the rim of the spiky pit. The figure of Fett itself is nicely detailed, with a few grasping tentacles from the Sarlacc thrown in for good measure. It makes for a terrific figure that fans of Star Wars have long been hoping for. The only thing I would improve is a better package to more properly sell these gems, but that would be terribly easy. Hasbro, please scale down the production of the smaller figures and make more "Unleashed" items. Six a year is far too few to get my fix.
All of this ass-kissing sure has made me tired. I don't know how the people at the Academy Awards do it every year! Well, now that I have officially looked back at the best of the best of 2003, I can look forward with jubilation to an exciting new year; for who knows what a new year can bring?
PURCHASE THIS OR SIMILAR ITEMS
artid
1946
Old Image
6_5_toys.jpg
issue
vol 6 - issue 05 (jan 2004)
section
entertainmental