HIGH SCHOOLER INFORMED SPATS AREN'T ''COOL''

WAVERLY, OH - Seventeen-year-old high school junior David Kirkpatrick was informed that wearing his white marching band spats over his black dress shoes at the homecoming dance wasn't "cool".
Says an anonymous classmate, "I don't know what he was thinking. This isn’t the Roaring Twenties or whatever."
The high school's star football player commented, "What the fuck? He really wore spats? Not cool at all."
When reached for a response to these allegations, Kirkpatrick wasn’t phased. "I think the spats look is fun. For certain occasions, at least. Classy, you know?"
Upon hearing Kirkpatrick's rebuttal, a classmate pondered, "Classy? Yeah. Maybe. But not cool."