DUBYA'S BLACK HISTORY MONTH

Whoo-whee! Man, it sure is cold here in Washington. (huff, puff) We got hit with one of them deep freezes. Initially, I thought it might have been a terrorist attack, (huff, puff) but Rumsfeld told me there’s no way we can invade God. I tell you what, though-- first chance we get, you can bet Hell or high-water we’ll give Him what for. (huff, puff)
Some of you might be asking yourself why I’m so out of breath. (wheeze) Give me a minute here,.. okay. What were we talking about? Oh, yeah. There’s no way a girl Terminator could defeat a boy one. No way. A Predator, maybe. But not a Terminator.
Anyway, I just spent most of my morning shoveling all the snow off of the White House walkway. See, it’s February, and that means it’s Black History Month. Therefore, all the servants get the next 28 days off. Even Colin and Condoleezza. That means the rest of us here have to pick up the slack. Except Dick "Lon" Cheney. He’s a robot. They don’t have racial guilt.
I’m sure looking forward to them coming back, though. I can’t do this much longer. I didn’t get born wealthy and white for nothing! My place is to observe and approve, not labor and sweat. But I suppose I can wait it out for 28 more-- what?!? Twenty-nine?!? Twenty-nine days this month?!? Who the hell approved that?!?
For Pete Sampras’ sake, we gave them the right to vote and own land and slam dunk. Now they want another damn day in February? We’re not Doug Henning! We can’t just magically make another day show up-- huh? Leap year? What the hell’s that? Goddamnit, this is ridiculous. I’m President of the United Skates, and somebody is uslurping my authority by passing laws beneath my nose. Well, I’ll show you all. As of this day, I declare war on my nose! And my authority! And slam dunking! Get Colin on the phone! Black History Daycation is over! We have work to do!