THE SHIA MAILBAG

Wassup, girls? Your favorite, totally adorable, doubly awesome journalist-in-training is back, with this month\'s Shia Mailbag. Sorry about the whole \"not doing one\" thing last month. I was in Texas with my family, visiting my grandma. We took an Easter vacation early. If you ever get a chance to go there, like, don’t. Texas is pretty gay. Now, let’s get down to it!
From: chieflandinghard@hotmail.com
To: tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com
Sent: Tuesday, April 06, 2004 11:36 PM
Subject: wondering
So, ya, just wondering, do u no Shia? Like, does he no u? But, ya, thnx, but could u tell me his email address? Well, if not, that\'s ok. L8er.
Hey, girl! Sorry, sister. I not only don’t know Shia, but he also doesn’t know me. And, as if that weren’t letdown enough, I also don’t know his email address. But, you can go to this website here, and write him a letter at the address they give.
You know, I just noticed that your email address is \"chieflandinghard\". Are you Native American? My best friend, Kia, is Native American, too. She can’t fly, though. Not like you. That’s pretty awesome: a flying Indian. Though, I guess it isn’t too awesome, considering you land hard. But maybe you’re, like, just learning and stuff. You’ll get better at it. It just takes practice. Don’t worry.
Good luck in the friendly skies,
- Tina Peters, Doctor of Shianomics
From: Katie Leavell
To: tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com
Sent: Monday, April 12, 2004 7:57 PM
Hey, my name is Katie. I was wondering what your address is?
Hey Katie,
Sorry, but I can’t give out my personal address. Last time I did that, my \"Internet chat buddy\" showed up. You know, you talk to someone for months, and you think they’re a 13-year-old, equally awesome girl who likes Shia. Then, when they show up on your doorstep and turn out to be a 46-year-old high school principal whose hair left his head for his back, it makes your dad really angry. I’ve never seen a nose bleed like that. Kinda awesome.
If you want to send me something, send it to the tastes like chicken office at:
2571A North Bartlett Avenue
Milwaukee, Wisconsin - 53211
Take care, girl!
- Tina Peters, Doctor of Shianomics
From: LiLBaBexGaeLLe@aol.com
To: tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com
Sent: Wednesday, April 14, 2004 7:02 PM
Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I think that Shia LaBeouf is a great actor, and that I really admire his work. I was wondering if you had any information on him that you could send to me, or if he likes dark-skinned girls. Also, do you know a fan mail address that he would be sure to get a letter, so that I could write to him?
- Lilbabexgaelle
If I had a dollar for every time a sista asked me if Shia was \"down with the brown\", I’d be knee-deep in cell phone minutes, girlfriend! Actually, I’d probably just have my bill paid off. My dad is always like, \"Tina, this is outrageous! $465 dollars in calls to Tibet? Who the H-E-double hockey sticks lives in Tibet?\" And I’m like, \"Dad, chill. You are so out of touch. Tibet is only, like, home to The Official International Shia Fan Club For Boys Who Look Just Like Shia LaBeouf, and I am only, like, totally crushing on the President, Yck Amktuul, who is this totally cute boy from Morerocko, or someplace like that, who just turned 18 and has, like, his own apartment and stuff, and wants me to fly out there so we can discuss making, like, a totally super Super Shia Club. And he totally looks like Shia, but with, like, a natural tan.\" He also likes a little \"brown sugar\", Lilbabexgaelle. And I’d be willing to bet my subscription to Peepin\' Teen Scene that, since he looks exactly like Shia, and he likes the sistas, that Shia would like them, too. If I find out for sure, though, I’ll let you know.
Hey ya!
- Tina Peters, Doctor of Shianomics
Send your awesome Shia questions to tina_is_the_best@tlchicken.com.